As a youngster, like most school going children I too discovered the power and simplicity of the principle of learning. I found out how I can learn anything by putting in sufficient effort into it. This principle could be applied to acquire knowledge as well as skills. This discovery unleashed a cycle of self-development and gave me the confidence that I can become like anyone I fancy if I put in sufficient effort into learning it. A child is like soft clay, easy to mold into any shape. Hence at that age you get amazing results in whatever area you work on. This is what makes the childhood time real fun, when sky is the limit of the thoughts and dreams.
However, things changed with the passage of time, and I encountered situations when I tried to learn something but it did not work out. At first I thought I have not put adequate effort on my part and tried to do it again with renewed effort with no success. I could not believe my eyes. What I was experiencing was contrary to the principle of learning I had followed so far. I was perplexed with it but had no explanation at that time, so I went ahead with trying out harder and harder.
Years later I found out another principle that no amount of effort and learning can change your basic nature. This principle says that it is futile to try and become what you are not. Be Yourself – you can never become someone else. I could immediately sense the feeling of happiness when I adopted this principle.
But I was really confused with these two conflicting principles now. Should I follow the Learning Principle and work on improving the areas in my personality that I do not like? Or should I rely on the Nature Principle and just be myself? I could see the evidence in day-to-day life that depending on the situation one or the other principle was effective and this added to the confusion further. I desperately looked for a way to know what I can improve and what I should leave as it is.
I have been trying to solve this puzzle over the years, but managed to find only a partial answer so far. Have you also faced such a dilemma or am I the only one? Anyway, here is what I have learned about this topic so far. I hope you will find this information useful.
There are certain characteristics that are parts of our basic nature. These characteristics define us, and cannot be changed easily. For example, our nature tells us if we are shy or outgoing, emotional, optimist or pessimist, loving, helpful and generous, passionate, dedicated and committed, courageous or fearful etc. It controls how we think and feel about something. It also determines our natural reaction to any situation.
There are another set of attributes and behaviors that form our habits and personality. This is the most fertile ground for learning as all habits can be learned or unlearned. This is also most externally visible part of us. It includes habits like positive or negative thinking, getting angry or upset easily, working hard or laziness, helping others, getting up early, get along with others, smoking, managing time well, working with a plan, cleanliness, reading, exercising, saving and financial discipline, etc.
I have found that as a first step, it is vital to take time to understand the different components of your true nature and habits. This information is vital for managing yourself. It works like a “You are Here” point on a map. You can use this information to plan the journey forward.
We have no control on our basic nature, but it is important to know about it. Being aware of our basic nature can be very helpful in dealing with everyday situations. However, if there are parts of your nature that you do not like, do not try to change them – you simply can’t. Remember the Nature Principle.
Now make an inventory of your habits. Identify the habits that you want to change and work on them one at a time. Changing long standing habits is a slow process that needs a lot of time and patience. We choose our habits, so let us work on developing a set of good habits.
Simple? But not easy to practice. Very often, we tend to justify a bad habit as our nature.
“I am lazy, that’s my nature.”
“I smoke, can’t help, that’s me.”
Learn to detect such justifications and stop them. If you accept a bad habit as your nature, you close the doors on any possibility of improvement on that front. A bad habit may even mask an inherent good nature underneath. For example, one may be friendly by nature, but his bad habit of arguing and picking up fights can make it difficult for him to make friends. Similarly, if one is sincere by nature but lazy in habit, it may impact his ability to finish his work. On the other hand, good habits can help you compensate for your natural flaws. e.g. one may not be generous by nature, but may develop a habit of helping others. So, even if you are unsure how to categorize a trait, it is safer to see it as a habit and try to correct it.
We cannot control our nature, but we can choose to learn good habits. Imagine you are playing a game of cards. The dealer has shuffled the pack and given you some cards on which you have no control. You may get good hand or not so good one. However, if you play your cards well, you may still win the game. So focus your energy on playing your best possible game.
