The Best Way to Win an Argument

There are times when we have difference of opinion with our friends and family members, and we get into an argument. We really feel bad when we lose such an argument. How can we master the art of articulating our point in a way so that we end up winning the argument? My experience is that it is best to avoid such arguments.

According to Dale Carnegie, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” When we get two egos wrapped up in an argument, both sides defend their positions desperately, and it does not improve relationships. You are more likely to feel negative feelings towards each other long after the argument is over, no matter whether you win it or not. And so you both wallow in negativity and you both lose. When possible, just avoiding unnecessary arguments is a win-win solution.

But you may say, "how can I give in when I know that I am right and the other person is wrong? He is just not able to see the fact clearly, and that's what the argument is about".

Stephen Covey talks about our paradigm, our way of looking at things. Each of us look at the world through our own glasses, and perceive the reality differently from others. So, it is quite natural that two people may differ about their view of the same thing. None of them is right or wrong, it is just a difference of paradigm. The following classic story illustrates this point very well:

When six blind men are asked what an elephant looks like, they come up with different views by feeling different parts of the elephant's body.

1. One blind man feels a leg and says that the elephant is like a pillar
2. One man feels the tail and says that the elephant is like a rope
3. One feels the trunk and says that the elephant is like a tree branch
4. One feels the ear and says the elephant is like a hand fan
5. One feels the belly and says the elephant is like a wall
6. One feels the tusk and says the elephant is like a solid pipe

A wise man explains to them, "All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently is because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all the features you mentioned."
What is the point of having an argument when I know that my knowledge about the truth is just partial?

Principle of Anekant in Jainism also talks about this fact that the truth can be stated in different ways, and teaches us the way of living in harmony with people who have different belief systems.

In a bitter argument, the wiser person is usually wrong, as he did not utilize his wisdom to avoid the argument.