Do yourself a favor - Forgive and Forget

This is the holy month when we Jains observe Paryushan Parv, a period of fasting and spiritual renewal. This festival begins today with the first virtue - Uttam Kshama / Supreme Forgiveness. This is a day to purify our soul by asking for forgiveness and forgiving others. One can immediately see the usefulness of this practice. As far as interpersonal relationships are concerned, such an exercise acts as a big deposit into the Emotional Bank Account, that can help even strained relationships to come back on track.

We all know the wisdom of forgiving, still there are times when we continue to have strained relationships with our loved ones as we find it hard to apologize or we can not drop the grudge against them for causing a deep hurt. Very often, both the persons are keen to make a new start, but still live with the status quo, waiting for the other to make the first move.

उन्हें ये जिद थी कि हम बुलाते
हमें ये उम्मीद वो पुकारे

Here is a beautiful short story that I came across recently that illustrates the futility of holding a grudge for too long unnecessarily:

One of my teachers asked each one of us to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes. For every person we would refuse to forgive in our life, he asked us to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. For most of us, as you can imagine, the bag filled up fast and got quite heavy. We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat while driving, next to our desk at work. 

The hassle of taking it around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it it in embarrassing places. Naturally, the condition of potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime, making it even more difficult to keep it with us. 

Suddenly, this was an eye opener for us. It was a great metaphor for the price we pay for nurturing our pain and negativity. Very often, we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that's true, we also do a big favor to ourselves when we forgive. 

So, next time you feel you can not forgive someone, ask yourself, "Why do I want to carry this heavy bag with me?" Use this day to take positive initiative to mend your strained relationships now. Break the "pahale aap" deadlock before the time runs out:

हमसे आया न गया..  उनसे बुलाया न गया..