The Mussoorie Ropeway

In March 2014 we went on a short family trip to Mussoorie, popularly known as the Queen of Hill Stations. Being close by, Mussoorie has been our favorite destination and though we have visited it very often, every trip turns out to be very pleasant due to the great climate, scenic locations, and easy going life typical of a hill station. It is also a must to visit its most popular attraction, Gun Hill which is the second highest peak here. With a height of more than 2000 m, it offers an enchanting view of some of the highest Himalayan ranges, and gives a picturesque view of hill town and Doon Valley.  An integral part of this fun is a 400 m thrilling ropeway ride from Mall Road to the hill. 

So one day during this trip we got in to the ropeway cable car to go to Gun Hill. There were eleven passengers in the car, the three of us, a group of four college kids, an old Punjabi couple, and a very young couple who appeared to be on their honeymoon. As the Cable Car started its slow journey with a mild jerk, all of us started enjoying the view outside quietly, but the four kids started chatting and joking with each other loudly, even using foul language at times. In no time they let us know with their loud comments that their nick names are Raju, Viki, Chandru, and Subbu. We tried hard to ignore their banter but it was getting increasingly hard to take away attention from them. Apparently Subbu was being teased by other three for being a panauti – a source of misfortune. Viki was recalling the times when they had to face trouble because of Subbu. The three of them were unanimous in their view that given Subbu’s track record, something bad is going to happen to them today as well. Chandru said,”I am scared that the Cable Car is going to fall down today.” Similarly, other people added their own projections about what may go wrong with the ride because of the ill effects of Subbu, who seemed to be enjoying all the attention and did not mind it at all. All this noise was beginning to get irritating for the rest of us in the Cable Car.

Suddenly there was a power failure and the Cable Car came to a halt. This gave further ammunition to the kids' mischief. Subbu said in a boastful tone,”See, don’t underestimate the power of my panauti.” Other kids started acting scared and made scary comments. Raju said, “The ropeway has developed a snag. We are stuck here for the whole day.” Chandru was next to go, ”Guys, be prepared to use the rope to climb down.”  Viki shouted hysterically,”Oh God, this is going to fall and we will all die”

The rest of us in the cable car were initially amused at this behavior. We were assured that the power backup would be switched on soon and the cable car will resume its journey. However, as minutes ticked away and nothing happened, we started getting nervous too. I could see the faces of the young couple turning white with fear. The old couple was also watching this drama silently but conveying discomfort through their expressions. We sincerely wished that the kids stop their prank. But there was no stopping these mischievous kids, who were apparently enjoying the influence they had on the audience. They spotted some people in a hotel 20 meters below the Cable Car and started yelling Help! Help! in a bid to attract their attention.

This was turning into an ugly scene now. Our feelings were gradually changing from annoyance to fear. Suddenly, the old lady started to chant Hanuman Chalisa in a hushed tone. This strengthened the feeling that we are in some kind of crisis. 

Finally we heaved a sigh of relief when the power got restored and the car started moving again. The ordeal would have lasted for just about five minutes, however, it felt like a long nightmare, and I was convinced that the main reason behind it was the insensitive antics of the kids. I did not want to be with such unruly kids again, so when we reached up and started to come out, I could not stop myself from telling them, “I do not want to be in the same car with you on the return journey”. They just shrugged it off and went away laughing and chatting.

By the time we returned from Gun Hill, it was late in the evening, and there was a long queue to get into the Cable Car. While I was waiting there, I noticed that the same four kids were standing right next to us in the queue. It was a certainty that we would land up in the same car again, something that I did not want. While my heart was revolting at this thought, I got so worked up inside that it felt as if I might burst out, giving the kids a piece of my mind. Since that would not be an appropriate behavior, I desperately looked to find a way to handle this situation positively. I thought of many options but nothing seemed to work. Finally I decided to try Paradigm Change. I looked at the kid’s behavior from their point of view. “What do these kids really want? They are a bunch of normal fun-loving people, who are out to make the most of their trip. As a college student, I have played such pranks as well and I know that it is just for fun. They certainly do not mean any harm.”

When I looked at it in this manner, suddenly my emotions calmed down and I felt much better. Finally we got into the Cable Car and started our downward journey. The kids were a little exhausted by now, but as expected, they started their discussion around the panauti along the familiar lines.

By now, I was actually enjoying their mischief, so I turned to Subbu and reminded him mockingly, ”Remember how your panauti failed last time in front of Hanuman Chalisa? Go ahead, try your best. Nothing is going to happen to this car”. The kids had a hearty laugh and soon we got engaged in an interesting discussion drifting away from the talks of panauti. The return journey went without event and it felt as if it was very short.

This episode made me think and left me with an important lesson. I knew that Paradigm Shift is a powerful tool of positive thinking in dealing with others, but this incidence was a live proof of the fact. When I tried to see things from the other person’s point of view, it gave me a completely fresh perspective of the situation, and I could handle it in a much better way.

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About this post
This post is based on a real life incidence. I do not remember the names of the kids, hence I have used fictitious names, but I have tried to capture the other details as it happened.  

Follow the Path of Continuous Learning

We live in the age of information revolution, in which lots of information comes our way every day in various forms like emails, chat messages, web pages, TV programs, conversations etc. Let us take the example of email. Email brings us incredibly huge amount of information we have to deal with every day. At first, most of us get overwhelmed with this information overload and do not know how to cope with it. With some practice we learn to successfully handle our emails but very often it threatens to take up all our available time, leaving us hard pressed to do the real work.

At the same time the jobs today have become more demanding and expect us to deliver outstanding results with very high productivity levels. Everyone is facing the need to deliver more with less. Being knowledgeable and informed is a prerequisite in such a scenario. While the job requires us to read all our emails and react to any urgent messages, it does not allow us the luxury to spend adequate time on this activity.    

In an earlier post, Sharpen the Saw, I talked about the need to sharpen our mental ability by reading and learning new things. This can help us be more productive at job since we will have a deeper understanding. However, it is not very often that we get an opportunity to take a break to learn, again due to our demanding jobs.

  

Thus we find ourselves in the midst of a conflict between information overload that threatens to consume all our time, productivity demands from our job, and need to find time to sharpen the saw. There is not enough time and we end up making a trade off in one way or other. We may choose to concentrate on the work, or sharpening our mental edge, or going through the emails, neglecting others in the process. Is there a way we can manage this conflict better? There may be many different ways to answer this question, I will discuss here the approach that I have found most helpful.

My proposed answer is based on the common wisdom that what you do every day builds you up. Do not wait for an ideal opportunity to sit down and acquire knowledge. Instead, learn on the way as you go about doing your work. Make sure to sharpen the saw daily. During the day, use the information that you receive from various sources including emails to gain knowledge. Then as you go about doing your regular tasks, go about collecting any additional knowledge necessary. Internet has made available a vast treasure of information just a few mouse clicks away; so make a habit of utilizing it whenever needed. This is also known as Agile Learning. This way, you will be keeping yourself up-to-date with the required knowledge and skills.  

There will be times when you may need some dedicated reading time on a specific topic to fill some knowledge gaps. You may not be able to spare that much reading time at work, so make it a regular practice to spend an hour every night before going to bed for such reading. This will be quiet period, so you can concentrate better without interruptions. 

However it needs you to develop an essential skill of efficient handling of information. Learn to go through your emails very quickly; this is one time saver skill that can multiply your productivity. Master how to rapidly search or browse the internet and find the information you need, which is another vital skill for the information age.

Remember learning does not stop when you leave school or college. Learning is a lifelong gradual process that has no short cuts. So, let us make a conscious effort to develop a routine of positive actions to learn on a daily basis. Do not let a single day pass without learning something new and soon you will be on the path of continuous learning.

Three Steps to Stop Criticism

There are times when we are overwhelmed to find ourselves in the midst of an severe attack of criticism from others, and no matter what we do to correct the situation; it seems to bring in more and more reproach. It can be from your parent, manager, customer, a friend, or even your teenager kid. You can imagine that such an experience - Damned if you do and damned if you don’t - can be really frustrating.

How to stop such disapproval from being directed at us? How to dissipate the negative emotions of hate that it generates in us towards the critic even if he may be a loved one? Above all, when do we take it seriously and when should we just ignore it?

These are all good questions, but unfortunately there is no simple answer to them. After a lot of trial and error over the years, I have found the following three step process very helpful to deal with criticism effectively:

Step 1: View it Differently

The most important first step we need to take is to change how we view criticism. Learn to take yourself less seriously, stop assuming that you are perfect, and start being tolerant towards your faults – after all, we are all Cracked Pots in one way or other.

It is said that feedback is the breakfast of champions. Although listening to criticism is not really a pleasant experience, yet the feedback it brings can be really vital for our improvement. Let us think about mirror as an example. You use the mirror for dressing up every day as you cannot see how you appear to others without a mirror. It helps you spot any flaws in your appearance and correct them. Similarly, a critic helps you spot your flaws by showing you the mirror.

It may feel that a critic is making our job more difficult by adding resistance, but let us remember that a kite rises in the sky only when it meets the resistance of wind, else it may sag and come down.

Hence, whenever we sense someone is about make a negative comment about us, let us say to ourselves, “Here comes my opportunity to improve” and welcome his comment with open arms. Remind yourself that it is not being said against you as a person, but about your behavior, and you can do something about it. Put a smile on your face and listen to the feedback intently with all sincerity.

Even when we are faced with strong condemnation directed against us as a person, let us objectively filter out the noise and extract the useful constructive feedback from it. If you are unclear about some remarks, ask clarifying questions to make sure you have understood the essence of the feedback. Do not justify your actions or argue with the critic at this stage as it will defeat our purpose. It is not easy to get such a mindset quickly, but you can easily master it over time if you apply it consciously in all situations.

Step 2: Use it to Improve

Once you have extracted the feedback from the critical comments, next step is to use it to make improvements. How do we go about it? Typically the criticism relates to some past behavior or incidence, which has already taken place. So, it leaves you with a feeling of helplessness as you cannot hit the rewind button in real life, go back in past and change the incidence. Replace this emotion with a feeling that you can learn from this experience and be careful not to repeat this mistake in future.

One of my managers used to put it in a very interesting way, It is OK to make mistakes, but it is not OK to make same mistake twice.

Analyze the feedback carefully and find out what you need to do differently when you are in a similar situation next time.

• It may be a simple matter of being a bit more careful
• It may require you to be more sensitive about other people
• You may need to do better upfront planning and preparation
• There may be a need to enhance your knowledge or skills in a specific area

Whatever it is, being aware of what went wrong equips you with a powerful ability to take positive action to correct it. Make sure to take small steps towards making these corrections. As you continue to receive feedback, process it objectively, and correct your behavior, you will embark on a rewarding journey of self-improvement. The process may seem tedious and slow in the beginning, but very soon you will get the hang of it and it will pick up speed.

Step 3: Let it not Stop You

Nikhil recently came out with the following interesting comment:
There is only one way to avoid criticism - do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.

The third key step is to make sure that any fear of criticism, how-so-ever harsh it may be, does not move you to inaction and prevent you from saying or trying out things that you want to.

Doing nothing and saying nothing is not very effective solution for avoiding criticism as you will be criticized for inaction if you do nothing. Better to do something and get criticized.

Not all criticism is just and fair and at times you may be at the receiving end of unnecessary condemnation. It is important for us to be able to tell if a criticism is useful for us. You give the same treatment to an unjust criticism (as we do not know yet if it is one) – listen carefully and extract useful feedback from it about what can be improved going forward. You can tell the criticism is unfair if you find that it does not contain any useful feedback. In that case, it is best to ignore it and go about doing your work as usual.

So, what I am suggesting here is to view criticism in positive light, do your best, use constructive criticism to improve yourself, and ignore unjust condemnation. It may not be easy to implement, but is fairly simple to understand.

Wait! This maybe a good way to handle criticism but how can it help us stop criticism? It definitely does and it works as follows – when someone attacks you with criticism, he has an intense desire to be heard. The person would attack more frequently with greater intensity if he feels you have not heard him. When you take pains to listen to the critic’s opinion, it immediately satisfies his need to be heard and diffuses his pent up emotions. Later on when he sees you taking corrective action based on his feedback, he gets convinced about your sincerity and it increases his respect for you many fold. It is very likely that this critic will be more tolerant towards your minor flaws in future and will be more mild in his criticism. So, you can actually stop criticism if you handle it well.

Does it sound like some idealistic stuff that may not work in practical life? Have no concern. This is a tried and tested practical approach that I have been using in all kinds of situations and it has always worked well for me.

When You Need to Criticize

A word for the situation when you spot a need for improvement in someone else and have to criticize. Do not hold back your criticism, but keep in mind that he has to extract the feedback from it; So make it easy for him by skipping the disapproving remarks and give the useful feedback objectively. In other words, talk about the behavior, not person. Talk about what can be improved going forward and not focus too much in what went wrong in the past. Affirm your faith in the person as you give him feedback and be clear that you accept him as he is. Keep an attitude that this is how you see it and he has a right to differ with your opinion. Choose the right time and place for it, avoid doing it when you are angry or with others. Given in this objective and positive manner, your feedback is likely to be accepted by the recipient without being defensive.

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About this post

• The idea of this post was inspired by a post by Nikhil Tyagi on Facebook. Thanks a lot Nikhil for the inspiration.
• I wrote this post on my flight from Frankfurt yesterday. They seem to have WiFi available in the flight, so next time I will submit the post from there itself. :)