Struggles are Good for Our Kids


As parents, we try our best to help and protect our kids from life's harsh realities and disappointments. The usual thought is, "I don't want my kids to struggle like I did". But famous ex-Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Dan Kindlon has very different view about it. He says that over-protected children are more likely to struggle in relationships and with challenges. When we are extra protective about our kid, we send him the message that he is not capable of helping himself. Clinical psychologist Dr. Wendy puts it very well, "It  is  our  job  to  prepare  our  children  for  the  road, not  prepare  the  road for  our  children."

The following short story illustrates this thought very well. I came across this story recently and found it very inspiring, so I am sharing it here:

A Gardner saw a small butterfly laying a few eggs in one of the pots in his garden. Since that day he looked at the egg with ever growing curiosity and eagerness. The egg started to move and shake a little. He was exited to see a new life coming up right in front of his eyes. He spent hours watching the egg now. The egg started to expand and develop cracks.. A tiny head and antennae started to come out ever so slowly.The man's excitement knew no bounds. He got his magnifying glasses and sat to watch the life and body of a pupa coming out. He saw the struggle of the tender pupa and couldn't resist his urge to help. He went and got a tender forceps to help the egg break, a nip here a nip there to help the struggling life. 

And look! The pupa came out of the egg. The man was ecstatic.  He waited now each day for the pupa to grow and fly like a beautiful butterfly; but Alas that never happened. The larvae pupa had a oversized head and kept crawling along in the pot for the full 4 weeks and died. 

Depressed, the man went to his botanist friend and asked the reason. His friend told him
the struggle to break out of the egg helps the larvae to send blood to its wings and the head push helps the head to remain small so that the tender wings can support it thru its 4 week life cycle. In his eagerness to help the man destroyed a beautiful life.

Struggles are good for all of us and our kids. A small effort put in today goes a long way to develop our strength to face life's difficulties in future.


About This Post
This story was sent to me by Jagminder Chugh as a message. Thanks a lot Jagminder for sharing such an inspirational message.

Take Charge of Your Health - Now !


I did not study medical science myself, but I have a deep respect for the discipline. As an engineer, I really marvel at the wonderful advances in this field over the years. What used to be killer diseases of past have been reduced to a curable illness with a simple pill. Vaccines have been developed to prevent many deadly diseases early on. Advance diagnostics methods not only detect the cause of the disease with certainty, but also flag the conditions that may lead to diseases in future with accuracy. Imaging techniques like X-rays, ultrasound, CT-scans, and Angiograpgy enable doctors to see clearly what is going on in our body.

Silent ailments like Diabetes, and Cardiac diseases are easily managed with early detection and care with the help of pathology tests. Development of Genetic science has reached a point that it is about to become the ultimate tool to read your DNA like a book and answer the crucial question – are you susceptible to a certain disease or not?

There have been such unbelievable advances in Medicine, Diagnostics, and Surgery that it sounds like a miracle to a layman. Open heart surgery on a beating heart is similar to replacing a tyre in a running car. My engineering mind can never understand how you can replace parts in a system without shutting it down. But the human body can be shut down only once in its lifetime – and medical science has learned to work with this constraint :)

There is no doubt that this tremendous progress in the medical field has given us the gift of longer life spans. Infant mortality has come down significantly and average life expectancy has gone up. It has become super easy to cure most diseases. Does this mean we are moving towards a disease-free healthy world? The reality seems to be far from it. The more cures we find, the higher incidence of diseases we find around us. Today, our hospitals and clinics are filled with more patients than ever. There is such a shortfall of doctors everywhere that all doctors are super busy treating the patients – living a crazy break-neck schedule every day. New killer diseases show up with alarming regularity – Cancer, Dengue, AIDS, Swine Flu, Ebola, to name a few.

With the increased life span, falling health in old age is a cause of concern for many as the healthcare expenses in the old age are going up. Post retirement finances were already a big worry for the aged, and it has become even bigger now. While it was enough to plan for ten years after retirement in the past, one has to worry about twenty or thirty years now.  The health problems are not limited to the aged population only. We are seeing a trend of early onset (in 40’s) of chronic ailments like Diabetes, Heart diseases, Back and joint pain, etc. To complicate the situation further, the unholy nexus between corrupt doctors, drug companies, and diagnostic labs is driving the cost of treatment further to prohibitive zone for the common man.

The situation is far from healthy and it does not feel that we will be in a disease-free world any time soon. In fact it makes me wonder – “Are we designed by nature to be sick? What is the purpose of widespread diseases? Who is responsible for this sorry state?”

After pondering on this topic for a while, I have a possible answer. It is we who are responsible for our current situation. The root cause of the problem may lie in our attitude and approach towards health. We have left it completely to the doctor to take care of our health. We just want her to give us medicine or do a surgery but do we follow the lifestyle advice given by her? Do we bother to moderate our diet? Do we find time for physical exercises?  On the contrary, we get into junk food, smoking, drinking, and drugs. We constantly live with all kind of stress in our mind. When we fall ill, we expect the doctor to ‘fix’ our health problem quickly with strong medicines and injections. If it turns into a serious illness, we get scared with the thought, "What if I am not cured?" In short, with such powerful medical facilities at our disposal, it is natural that we refuse to accept death as a possible outcome. What is happening here? Are we not trying to live forever?

Clearly, the solution has to be found within ourselves. What can we do about it? Let us pause and think again, "What is more important, More days in life or more life in days?" Let us try to live more, not longer.  Our natural tendency is to stay healthy, and if we remove the obstacles that come in the way of this natural state, we will regain our health and will not have to go to the doctor so often.

By this, I do not mean that we stop going to the doctor when we are sick. We need to learn to take responsibility for our well-being and take positive action to live a happy and healthy life. How can we go about doing it? I have compiled a list of suggestions below that I have found to be very helpful in my own experience.
  • Live happy and stress free life. Stress causes or aggravates the majority of diseases in modern times. Learn yoga, meditation, learn to accept things as they come. Stop being in the rat race.
  • Cultivate a positive mindset. Look at the bright side of things.
  • Find a purpose in life and absorb yourself into it. When you are busy doing something you feel passionate about, it causes a flow of health enhancing juices in our body.
  • Exercise regularly. This is the single most important factor for staying healthy.
  • Eat healthy food in moderate quantity. Avoid junk food and drinks.
  • Have a preventive health check every year; it is just like taking your car for service; if you do not do it, it will break down some day on the road.
  • When you fall sick, take advice from the doctor, and co-operate fully with her. Take rest as advised, follow the diet restrictions, and take all medicines as prescribed. Remember, the medicine itself is not the cure; it is just helping your body to fight the disease. You need to provide your body all the support you can in this fight.

You may be asking, “The above suggestions are all fine, but they are just about changing my approach. How can it help me live longer?”  Ironically, when you shift your focus from longevity to living a happy fulfilled life, it automatically improves your general well-being and makes you live longer.