Holding the Door Open

Tarun, a hotshot sales manager, on a Sunday evening, was in the parking lot of a shopping mall. The parking lot was packed. Cars were crawling with anxious drivers looking for that one vacant slot. Tarun, sharp and aggressive as he was known to be, spotted a vacant space ahead and quickly zoomed in.  He could see another car trying to reverse into the same slot, but he was determined to beat the other man to it.  And he did!  Tarun felt jubilant - as we all sometimes do with life's little victories.  The old man driving the car was disappointed. He looked Tarun in the eye and continued his search for another parking slot.

Two days later, Tarun was preparing for one of the biggest moments of his career.  He was close to winning a big contract for his company.  And all that was left now was the formal handshake meeting with the client's CEO.  As Tarun walked into the client's office and saw the CEO, he felt a sudden sense of discomfort.  Yes, it was the same man from whom he had snatched the parking slot on Sunday.  And you can guess what happened thereafter.

Alas! If only Tarun had understood the importance of Holding the Door Open!

You may ask, what is "Holding the Door Open" and what has it got to do with Tarun's story?

It has probably happened to you sometimes.  As you walk towards the door of an office, or a lift, the person walking in front holds the door open for you.  Remember how good it made you feel - if only for that moment.

Isn't it surprising that although we all feel good when someone holds the door open for us, we seldom do the same for other? How come?

It may be probably because we are all preoccupied with ourselves and obsessed with getting ahead.  Here, then, is a life-changing lesson they don't teach you in any business school - 'Hold The Door Open'.

The world can be divided into two types of people. Those who push open a door, walk through and let it slam behind them.  That may be 99% of the population.  And there is 1% who hold it open to allow the next person to walk through.  Learn to do that, and you too could join the select 1% club.  Holding the Door Open doesn't merely make other people feel good. It makes you feel good too. It helps you build an attitude of helping and caring.

Happiness in life is not as much about winning as about helping other people win. As the popular saying goes, "It's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice"

So, make a beginning today.  Hold The Door Open for somebody and take a step towards happiness.

The Orange Lesson

A famous motivational guru was speaking at a conference and he walked up the stage with an orange in his hand as a prop for his lecture. He opened the conversation with a bright young fellow sitting in the front row.

“If I were to squeeze this orange as hard as I could, what would come out?” He asked.

The young man looked at him like he was a little crazy and said, “Juice, of course.”

“Do you think apple juice could come out of it?”

“No!” he laughed.

“What about grapefruit juice?”

“No!”

“What would come out of it?”

“Orange juice, of course.”

“Why? Why when you squeeze an orange does orange juice come out?”

He may have been getting a little exasperated with the speaker at this point.

“Well, it’s an orange and that’s what’s inside.”

The speaker nodded. “Let’s assume that this orange isn’t an orange, but it’s you. And someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, says something you don’t like, offends you. And out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, fear. Why? The answer, as our young friend has told us, is because that’s what’s inside.”

It’s one of the great lessons of life. What comes out when life squeezes you? When someone hurts or offends you? If anger, pain and fear come out of you, it’s because that’s what’s inside. It doesn’t matter who does the squeezing—your mother, your brother, your children, your boss, the government. If someone says something about you that you don’t like, what comes out of you is what’s inside. And what’s inside is up to you, it’s your choice.

When someone puts the pressure on you and out of you comes anything other than love, it’s because that’s what you’ve allowed to be inside. Once you take away all those negative things you don’t want in your life and replace them with love, you’ll find yourself living a highly fulfilling life.

No Attachments

Think for a moment, what causes us pain and sorrow? I am sure you may promptly list a number of people, events, and conditions that rob your peace of mind. However, according to Jain philosophy, it is our attachment to possessions  (राग)  that is the root cause of all our sufferings. Hindu philosophy endorses this view as well. So, put in another way, we are causing pain and sorrow to ourselves. Find it hard to believe? Take a look at the story below:

A man who had gone out of his town comes back and finds that his house is on fire. It was one of the most beautiful houses in the town, and the man loves the house. Many people were ready to give double the price for the house, but he never agreed to sell it at any price, and now it is just burning before his eyes. Many people have gathered watching the calamity. The fire has spread out so much around the house that nothing can be saved. Obviously, this makes the man very sad.

In the meantime, his eldest son comes running, and whispers in his ear, "Don't be worried. I had just sold the house yesterday, and at a very good price - three times. The offer was so good I could not wait for you."

The father heaves a sigh of relief and says, "Oh that's so good of you, if you have sold it for three times the original price of the house." From tham moment, the man changes to be a watcher, like the rest of the crowd around the house. Just a moment earlier, he was so devastated when he identified the house as his belongings. And now, it is the same house, the same fire, the same damage, everything is the same; but he is not concerned. He is observing the disaster impassionately just as everybody else.

A little while later, his second son comes running and he says to the father, "What are you doing? Are you not worried that our house is on fire". The man says, "Don't you know, your brother has sold it?" The son says, "He had struck a deal to sell it, but nothing has been settled yet, and the buyer is not going to purchase it after this accident." Again, everything gets reversed. Tears which had disappeared come back to the man's eyes, his smile is gone now and his heart is beginning to beat fast. Now the watcher is gone. He becomes attached again, feeling the pain, even though it is the same house and the same fire.

Finally, the third son comes and says, "That buyer is a man of his words. I just met him and he told me that it doesn't matter whether the house is burned or not, he has agreed to buy it and it is his house now. He is going to pay the price that he has agreed upon, since no one  knew that the house would catch fire."

This news lifts a weight off the man's chest and turns him into an observer again. The feeling of attachment to the house is no more there. Actually nothing changed but just the idea that "I am the owner, I am identified somehow with the house", makes the whole difference. The next moment he feels, "I no longer possess the house. Somebody else has purchased it, I have nothing to do with it, let the house burn."

This simple but powerful story beautifully brings out the fact that the real cause of pain is our attachment to things. And if we live our life with a mindset that nothing belogs to us, as we have to leave everything here one day, it will go a long way to reduce and finally eliminate our sufferings.