B+ (Be Positive): 2011

रिटायरमेंट - अंत नहीं, एक नई शुरुआत

Right now is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be again.

मैंने ऐसे कई लोग देखे हैं जो रिटायरमेंट के बाद भी पूरे सक्रिय रहते हैं। उनकी सक्रियता का क्या राज है? इस प्रश्न का उत्तर देने का प्रयास इस लेख में किया है।

एक सज्जन मुझसे पूछने लगे, आपका कितना सेवाकाल शेष है ?

अभी काफी है, मैंने उत्तर दिया।

उन्होंने फिर पूछा, मेरा मतलब आपकी रिटायरमेंट कब है? कौन से साल में और कौन से महीने में। मैंने साल और महीना बतलाया तो उन्होंने कुछ हिसाब लगाया और बोले, आपकी उलटी गिनती शुरू हो गई है। केवल इतने साल, इतने महीने और इतने दिन बाकी रह गए हैं आपके।

तो इससे क्या फर्क पड़ता है ? मैंने जानना चाहा।

फर्क क्यों नहीं पड़ता? बहुत पड़ता है। जब आदमी को ये पता चलता है कि नौकरी के गिने-चुने दिन शेष रह गए हैं, तो वह समाप्त-सा ही हो जाता है, उन्होंने जोर देकर कहा।

रिटायरमेंट किस दिन होगी, ये तो पहले से ही पता होता है। जिस दिन व्यक्ति नौकरी शुरू करता है, उसकी सर्विस बुक में उसकी रिटायरमेंट की तारीख भी लिख दी जाती है। इस दृष्टि से तो व्यक्ति की उलटी गिनती नौकरी के प्रारंभ होने के साथ ही हो जाती है। उसे नौकरी प्रारंभ होने के साथ ही समाप्त-सा हो जाना चाहिए।

वैसे तो व्यक्ति के पैदा होने के साथ ही उसकी उलटी गिनती शुरू हो जाती है, क्योंकि जो पैदा हुआ है, उसकी मृत्यु भी निश्चित है। तो क्या फिर जीना ही छोड़ दें? नहीं, मृत्यु के भय के कारण जीवन का त्याग नहीं किया जा सकता।

व्यक्ति हर हाल में अपने अंतिम क्षण तक जीने को अभिशप्त या वर प्राप्त है, लेकिन यदि जीवन क्वॉलिटी के साथ व्यतीत हो जाए तो कितना अच्छा हो। इसी प्रकार जब तक सेवाकाल का एक दिन भी शेष है, उसे महत्त्वपूर्ण मानते हुए केवल कर्म की ओर प्रवृत्त हुआ जाए। गीता में लिखा है, जिसने जन्म लिया है, उसकी मृत्यु भी निश्चित है और मृत्यु के बाद उसका पुनर्जन्म भी निश्चित है। अत: अपने अपरिहार्य कर्तव्यपालन में तुम्हें शोक नहीं करना चाहिए। जीवनक्रम में अपने कर्तव्य का पालन करते हुए शोकरहित रहना जरूरी है। कर्तव्य का पालन करते हुए यदि मृत्यु भी आए तो शोक नहीं करना चाहिए। जब मृत्यु को भी शोक का कारण नहीं माना गया है तो रिटायरमेंट कैसे शोक का कारण हो सकता है? यदि मृत्यु के बाद कोई पुनर्जन्म होता है, तो रिटायरमेंट के बाद की अवस्था उस पुनर्जन्म से कम नहीं मानी जानी चाहिए।

लोग प्राय: कहते हैं कि रिटायरमेंट के बाद सक्रिय जीवन का अवसान हो जाता है। मगर किसी महीने की अंतिम तारीख तक तो आप एकदम सक्रिय रहे, लेकिन अगले महीने की पहली ही तारीख को प्रात: उठते ही आप अचानक निष्क्रिय कैसे हो गए? यह वास्तव में हमारी सोच का दोष है। हमारी इसके लिए कंडिशनिंग हो चुकी है। इस स्थिति से उबरना जरूरी है। रिटायर हम नहीं होते, रिटायर होता है हमारा कमजोर मन और उसमें उत्पन्न विचार जो हमें रिटायर कर देते हैं।

सेवानिवृत्ति एक महत्वपूर्ण परिवर्तन है। यह एक नए जीवन की शुरुआत ही नहीं, बल्कि पुनर्जन्म है। जीवन में हर नया पल, हर परिवर्तन पुनर्जन्म ही होता है और हम इतनी बड़ी घटना को तटस्थ होकर देख रहे हैं, पर इसे पुनर्जन्म के रूप में स्वीकार नहीं कर रहे। प्रसव शारीरिक रूप से एक कष्टप्रद स्थिति है, लेकिन प्रसव के बाद नारी का पुनर्जन्म ही तो होता है, जो अत्यंत आनंदप्रद स्थिति है। आप भी रिटायरमेंट को प्रसव के बाद की अवस्था या पुनर्जन्म की तरह लीजिए।

ये तो सिर्फ हमारी एक धारणा है कि साठ वर्ष के बाद व्यक्ति की क्षमता कम हो जाती है, अत: सेवानिवृत्ति हो जानी चाहिए। परिवर्तन सृष्टि का नियम है। मनुष्य का जीवन भी परिवर्तन से अछूता नहीं रहता। रिटायरमेंट किसी अवस्था विशेष की स्थिति नहीं है, बल्कि हर क्षण घटित होने वाली स्थिति है। जब भी मौका मिले, रिटायर हो जाइए - लेकिन अपने कमजोर मनोभावों तथा विकारों से। रिटायरमेंट एक परिवर्तन है। एक नई शुरुआत है, एक बेहतर और नए जीवन की शुरुआत।

Ten Principles for Stress Management

According to Aparijita Bhooshan, we can overcome stress if we nurture cosmic life energy by following these 10 principles:

1. Silence:
Noise disturbs the underlying life forces in our nerves. Listening and speaking use up precious energy. Retreat once in a while and give the nerves a chance to rest and re-energise.

2. Be With Nature:
Nature is benevolent and absorbs all our negativity, and gifts us her inexhaustible cosmic energy through water, earth, fire and trees. Being with nature elevates the mood, cures various ailments and promotes emotional and spiritual well-being.

3. Release Destructive Thoughts:
Anger, worry, fear, rejection, jealousy, blame and guilt build up very damaging energy. We must release them. Forgiveness and gratitude bless us with peace.

4. Powerful Affirmations And Auto-suggestions:
Used repeatedly with faith, these clear the negative blueprints lodged in the subconscious mind. Recreate new images with powerful, positive affirmations beginning with “I am”.

5. Visualisation:
Imagination is the door through which disease and healing enter! All matter originates in an idea. By consciously visualising, we absorb extra light and energy from the cosmos and transform our cells.

6. Avoid Being Over-emotional:
Emotions are good as long as we are in control of them. They keep our hearts open to reaching out to others and experiencing the wonderful feelings of love and fulfillment. But fearful proportions of attachment could result in deep depression and disease.

7. Let Go:
Whatever it is that we carry forever, a past grudge, fear or hurtful memories, we tend to keep building on it, giving it more and more power until it becomes almost too big to look at and we are drained of energy within. Only when we learn to ‘let go’ will we experience a sense of abandon and freedom.

8. Live In The Now:
By constantly turning around to see the path travelled, how can we walk the road ahead? Let us remember the past only for the lessons we have learnt. Don’t reopen healing wounds.

9. Prayer:
Prayer is a luminous, self-generating energy. When we address ourselves to the Infinite Source of all energy, we embrace this inexhaustible power which sustains the universe. It cleanses the system of mental poisons and helps us receive His Grace.

10. Love:
It is all about love, which is light and energy. Wipe a tear, hold a trembling hand and give unconditional love. It will come back to you with healing. With love, we experience the highest state of consciousness and peace possible.

Story of a dew drop

I recently read the inspiring story of ek boond, re-told with beautiful words. We must remind ourselves of this story whenever we feel anxious about an upcoming change.

लोग यौं ही हैं झिझकते सोचते, जबकि उनको छोड़ना पड़ता है घर
किन्तु घर का छोड़ना अक्सर उन्हें, बूँद लौं कुछ और ही देता है कर !

As the Sun rose, a dew drop became aware of its surroundings. There it sat on a leaf; catching the sunlight and throwing it back out. Proud of its simple beauty, it was very content. Around it were other dew drops, some on the same leaf and some on other leaves around it. The dew drop was sure that it was the best, the most special dew drop of them all. Ah, it was good to be a dew drop!

Suddenly, the wind rose and the plant began to shake, tipping the leaf. Terror gripped the dew drop as gravity pulled it towards the edge of the leaf, towards the unknown. Why? Why was this happening? Things were comfortable. Things were safe. Why did they have to change? Why?

The dew drop reached the edge of the leaf. It was terrified, certain that it would be smashed into a thousand pieces below, sure that this was the end. The day had only just begun and the end had come so quickly. It seemed so unfair. It seemed so meaningless.

It tried desperately whatever it could do to cling to the leaf, but it was no use. Finally, it let go, surrendering to the pull of gravity. Down, down it fell. Below there seemed to be a mirror. A reflection of itself seemed to be coming up to meet the dew drop. Closer and closer they came together until finally...

And then the fear transformed into deep joy as the tiny dew drop merged with the vastness that was the pond. Now the dew drop was no more, but it was not destroyed.

It had become one with the whole.

Listen to me singing the poem in the Youtube video below:

Related Post
Stepping Out of Your Home

Being Positive When I am hurt

Recently Abhishek (name changed), who is very close to me did something that caused me a lot of hurt. This post is an interesting story of how I tried to come to grips with it.

What happened?

Abhishek and I have enjoyed a very close relation with each other for many years. Last month, he suddenly did something that was least expected given our closeness. His behaviour made me feel bad as it seemed that he did not care about me at all. As is my natural habit, I suffered the emotion silently for some time and waited for it to subside. But the feeling was so strong that it refused to come down. Hence, I decided to talk to him and share my feeling, with the hope that he will realize his mistake immediately, but to my surprise he plainly refused to acknowledge the problem. I felt that he did not listen to my feelings at all, as if I was talking to a wall. Since then, I was feeling really angry and hurt about the episode.

What can I do about it?

What are my options in this situation? Should I stay silent, keep on thinking about it and feeling miserable? Or should I take the violent option and look for right opportunity to strike back and pay him back in his own coin? Will that heal my feelings? Should I unburden myself, discuss the episode with my close ones to share my disappointment? For good measure, I can also criticise him for his behavior. Should I resolve to not expect too much from him going forward and forget about our relationship?

What did I really do?

I chose to apply the magic worry solution from Dale Carnegie to the problem at hand. I thought really hard to answer the simple question - "What I am feeling bad about?" Some possible choices were:

The first action that caused the hurt
Abhishek's lack of sensitivity
Disappointment at eroding state of our relationship
The fact that I was not being understood

On thinking hard, I narrowed down to (4). The first important step I decided to take was to forgive and forget about it. I gave myself three reasons why it is a good choice.

Most probably, it was not a deliberate act but an inadvertant slip. Hence it is not his fault.
The fact that he is unable to understand what went wrong clearly points to the fact that he was not consciously aware of it.
Everyone spends a lot of time thinking about himself. Contraty to what I believe, I am not center of his world. His actions are rightfully not dominated by the thought about my feelings.

The moment I decided to let go of the grudge, I felt an immediate release of stress and felt much better first time in many days. It was as if a huge load was lifted from my mind. I felt very light and happy. I could also start thinking, which was not at all possible while I was burning with anger.

Every problem is an opportunity

Once I started thinking about it, I looked for ways to turn this issue into an opportunity. I realized that for many years, my relationship with Abhishek was drifting and eroding. It was a victim of gradual withdrawals from the emotional bank account between us. Over the years, many small incidents were causing continuous damage to our closeness. Both of us were keeping silent about it for the fear that it will break the relationship. This incident forces me to re-think about it. Maybe I have been doing something that is causing pain to him and I do not know about it. We need discussion and dialog to bring it out. This episode is a blessing in disguise that shows me that instead of keeping silent, I should discuss and clarify things to strengthen the bond between us.

I simply care too much about our relationship to let it fall apart without doing anything positive from my side.

What is all this stuff about Private Victory?

When we think of victory, it is very often associated with public visibility and appreciation. It may be an athlete winning a race, or a tennis player winning a crucial game, or an student achieving outstanding academic results, getting through a tough competitive exam, a businessman achieving spectacular success in business, an employee earning a promotion or award at work, there are many more such examples. A victory makes us shine in front of others, and showcases our best part to the world.

Therefore, the term "Private Victory" looks like a contradiction in itself. Can there be any such thing as a private victory?

Take a look at the following stories:

1. Rohit and Amit were camping in a jungle when they heard the roar of a tiger. Rohit started putting up his running shoes immediately. Amit was amused, "No point trying to run. You can not outrun the tiger". Rohit replied, "I do not have to run faster than tiger. I need to just run faster than you."

2. Ina came back from school and proudly declared,"Mummy, I came third in the race today." Her mother asked,"How many kids were running?" Ina replied, "Three."

If these stories make you smile, it reveals the presence of a growing pain in our minds. We are very deeply entrenched in competitive mindset, where winning against others is the most important. This win-lose attitude gives rise to what I call "3-idiots syndrome". The protagonists in the movie felt bad when they did not do well in an exam, but felt miserable when their friend came tops :)

Therefore, we are constantly comparing ourselves against others in all spheres of life. It is not important that I am suceesfull if I am not more successful than my neighbor. Have you not seen kids with 80% marks in board feeling terrible because others have got much more? This mindset is a source of constant stress to everybody, and eventually causes burnouts, health issues, and makes us a "loser".

That is why it is so important to understand the concept of private victory to transform from a "loser" to a "winner". There are three key ingredients of Private Victory, and I will take them one by one:

1. Our victory need not be a defeat for someone
2. Victory over self - Sanyam
3. Private victory precedes public victory

How can we control the damage from extra-competitive mindset? Simply by the thinking that our victory does not imply a defeat for others and vice versa. Its true that we can not avoid competition in real-life situations, but we can decide how we approach it. Let us work on our own performance and try to give our best, rather than on defeating others. Winners compete against themselves, they strive to do a little better every time. It is also helpful to deliberately avoid envy - their victory is not your defeat in anyway. Learn to count your blessings
and enjoy what you do, the stress factor will miraculously disappear.

Another important aspect is gaining victory over ourselves. It is called "Sanyam" in Jain philosophy, and seen as must if we want to achieve anything.

"Apne se apna anushashan, sanyam ki paribhasha"
"Chote chote sankalpo se maanas parivartan ho"
"Doosaro pe jai se pehale, khud pe jai kare"
"Man hi haara, to kya jeeta, to kya jeeta"

Quite simply Sanyam is the art of making a promise to yourself and keeping it.
There are times when we drift through the life, going as per the mood of the moment, and then wondering later when we are hard pressed to finish the work. How can we be effective if we can not get up in the morning at the required time, or can not reach for a meeting on time, or regularly fail to keep our commitments?
So, go ahead and form a habit of making a promise to yourselves and keeping it, it gradually develops a strong will-power just like regular physical exercise builds muscles.

Finally, while the glory of a public victory is certainly good, but private victory must precede public victory in all the cases. Like a garden or a farm, it takes long and constant preparation before the fruit or the crop is ready. Before an student achieves public victory in the form of an outstanding result in the exam, he must put in months of preparation into it, that is dotted with endless private victories everyday. Completing a chapter, taking up a self-test successfully, conquering a tough concept.

Similarly, a successful rocket launch looks like an outstanding achievement, but it is not possible without dedicated preparation by hundreds of people with numerous private victories. We see the victory of an athelete in an olympic game, but what is not visible is the hundreds of private victories that she had to negotiate before reaching that pinaccle.

In his landmark book, Stefen Covey also stresses the need to focus on building strength of character first to prepare ourselves to be effective with others. He lists three habits that help us make progress towards this goal:

a. Be Proactive - Take responsibility for our life and do not blame others
b. Begin with the end in mind - Learn to set our direction, and make sure that we are climbing the right ladder
c. First Things First - spend time on important things, and avoid wasting time

Hence, Private Victory is not a contradiction. It is in fact a concept that we can use to turn ourselves from a stressed out loser to a winner who is at peace with himself and others. So, just focus on achieving a private victory today, it is the best preparation you can do towards getting public victory.

11 Biggest Time Wasters

In this post, I will attempt to identify major time wasters that cause us loss of personal productivity.
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1. Poor planning. People don’t plan to fail but a lot of people fail to plan. Without a plan of action set up before your day begins you are likely to get caught up in “stuff”, responding the loudest voice that gets your time and attention. Will you have been productive for the day? Sure, but not as productive as you might have been.

2. Crisis management. When a deadline sneaks up on you it robs you of all choice and you are controlled by the clock. Crisis management, for the most part, is poor time management because you’re rushed and stressed.

3. Procrastination. All the planning in the world does not substitute for the doing. Many find that they just can’t get going on the things that will make a big difference in their success.

4. Interruptions. Unanticipated events coming your way, in person or electronically, can steal your time away. Many interruptions are necessary and part of what you get paid for. However, most are unnecessary thieves of your time.

5. Not delegating. “If you want a job done well you better do it yourself.” What a thief! Look at everything you have to do and ask, “Is this the best use of my time?” If it is, do it. If not, delegate it.

6. Unnecessary meetings. If two or more people get together and nothing productive comes of the time spent together, that meeting was unnecessary and, sadly, most meetings are time thieves.

7. The “shuffling blues”. Many people manage their time through piles. Piles of appear on their desk. Piles of “to be read” emails on their computer and lots of “to be heard” voicemails stored away. The piles require frequent review creating the shuffling blues, which surrenders valuable time. Keep a clean work environment.

8. Poor physical setup. Not having the things you need the most often within arm’s reach and having a lot of the things you rarely need close by causes you to waste a lot of time wearing out the carpet retrieving what you frequently need.

9. Poor networking. Quality relationships with others can be a huge time saver as they open doors for you with all kinds of opportunities. Failing to develop a good network base will cause you to waste time creating what you might have had through your network.

10. Bad attitude. Nothing sinks a day more effectively than having a poor attitude. It causes you to dwell on the problems and not the solutions and makes it possible to throw the day away.

11. Negative people. Some people are the life of the party, and some people are the death of the party. The problem with having negative people around you is you wind up spending a lot of your time listening to their complaints rather than focusing on your success.

Count Your Blessings

Has this ever happened to you? Your life seems stressful, your task list is growing, work is dreadful, your relationships are a challenge, and you are angry and dissatisfied. Then you get a wicked cold. As it hits you with its full force, you look back to those terrible times you were experiencing just days earlier and they don't seem so bad. All you want now is for the cold to go away. Just feeling "normal" would be a blessing - even with all of the frustrations that seemed to overwhelm you.

We take blessings for granted, as if they were our birthright, and we fixate on things that aggravate us. We miss out on much of the joy of daily life, unaware that our aggravation is a choice and that it arises from illusion.

"What do you mean," some might exclaim indignantly, "my overbearing boss is neither my choice nor an illusion." But our reaction to the situation is our choice. We can choose to loathe our boss, complain to our colleagues, and wallow in self-pity. The result? More stress, unhappiness and lack of vocational fulfilment.

Or we could choose to use the situation for personal advancement. We can seek options, such as entering into dialogue with our boss to find common ground, or find a new job or focus on aspects of work that we find rewarding. Take skilful action.

You might be able to review your life and see ways in which your choice of reactions to life has only increased your pain. You might also notice that much of the negative self-talk in our busy minds is based upon reactions to a reality that does not conform to our illusory expectations. It's even likely that we are not seeing the full reality, but instead viewing it through the constricted prism of our smaller self, or ego...

Make a list of your blessings right now. Friends, freedom, material abundance, mobility, yoga classes, recreational activities, books, spiritual pursuits and more. Everything is a blessing because it is the most profound of blessings just to be here. Just to experience the miracle of being.

With a constant sense of gratitude comes peace, contentment and the unfolding of a whole new world before our eyes...a world in which we live in awe of life. To cultivate gratitude, I invite you to say "thank you" to everyone and everything. For, all too soon, our time shall pass.

Putting Everything Together

Ritwik was telling his grandma how "everything" is going wrong everywhere. He has been facing problems with on-line classes by his School during lockdown, and if that is not enough, there are fights with his sister, and the constant fear of the pandemic. Looks like all the fun is gone from the life.

While listening to his complaints, the grandma was occupied in baking a cake. She asked Ritwik if he would like a snack, which of course he agreed.

"Here, try some cooking oil", she offered.

"Yuck" said Ritwik.

"How about a couple raw eggs?", she offered again.

"Gross, Grandma!", he replied.

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?", she asked.

"Grandma, those are all yucky!", he said.

"The cake is ready now, try it", she offered once more.

"This is really delicious grandma, like all your cakes", he was delighted.

Grandma said, "See, the ingredients taste bad if served alone all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way and baked, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!"

She continued, "It works the same way in life. When we encounter a difficult situation, we wonder why God would let us go through such testing times. But when He puts these events together in our life in proper order, they work wonders for us, and eventually make our life beautiful".

So instead of complaining about our problems, let us trust Him with patience and wait for our cake to be fully baked.

What Is All This Stuff About Time Management?

Time Management is a vehicle to take you from wherever you are to wherever you want to go.

Like most working people, I have been trying to find a silver bullet on how to use my time in the best possible way. I realized early on that when I put my time to good use, I get good results, and when I just let it drift, I am not effective. I do not have the complete answer yet, but I have gathered a lot of useful pointers along the way. This post is a collections of all the ideas I have found and tried out to manage my time better. Try them, some of these may click for you.

Live in Present
Do not dwell too much on the past or future. Use your present moments well and you will create a fond memory for yourself with every passing moment. Also, the best way to counter worry about future is to do something about it today. Do learn from past mistakes and plan for future, but live life in present.

Keep a To Do List
Keep a checklist of tasks that you need to do today and tick off a task when it is done. This is a simple but very useful technique to get started with Time Management. Be careful not to load your list with a lots of task that you can not finish in the short run. A huge pending To Do list can de-motivate you at times.

Prioritize your tasks
There are tasks that needs to be done berfore others, so it is helpful to assign priority A, B, or C to each task. Work to complete all A tasks today. Then take up B tasks, and then C tasks if the time permits. Never take up a C task if an A task is pending. This is good to ensure that the time is devoted to urgent tasks first. Be very careful while assigning the priorities to the tasks, and keep your list to yourself. Do not put your marriage in danger by letting your spouse find out that you have marked a C priority against taking her to shopping.

Do it Now
What is the best time to complete any work? Next month? Next week? Tomorrow? None of the above. The only time you have to do anything is NOW. Doing anything now is better than thinking about doing something later. Great technique to build an action orientation. However, remember that there are always projects that can not all be done immediately without careful planning. In such cases, do the planning now! Also, avoid the pitfall of acting without thought when you overdo this.

Eat That Frog
We all avoid tasks that are difficult or unpleasant. (The big frog). Make a habit of taking up the most difficult task first thing in the morning. When you have handled the big frog already, other smaller frogs will no longer pose a challenge. Good suggestion, and works well most of the time. There are times when starting with an easy task helps you build momentum. So, need to apply judgement according to the situation.

Keep a Schedule
So far, by keeping lists, you were just telling yourself what you need to do in which order. Its time now to specify when to do it. Make a schedule for your day with the tasks you need to do in a diary or a tool like Outlook. You can also keep your meetings and appointments in your schedule. What's the advantage of all this work? You know right at the start of the day what you can accomplish during the day. You also know what to do at a given time, so you can say no to unnecessary interruptions that are time wasters. This is most discussed and practiced technique. You must give it a try to see what it can do it for you. Pitfalls to watch - do not become slave of your schedule. When required, make changes if they make sense. Remember that the schedule is for you, not the other way round. However, take your appointments and meetings very seriously. When you show respect for others' time, you gain their respect in return.

Do the Important
Most of our time goes into doing the urgent tasks, and we often neglect the important tasks as low priority. Tasks like repairing a broken car is done urgently, while getting the preventive maintenance done on the car may not be that high in priority. It is an important task, but not urgent. We often complain about fire-fighting all the time. We should react to the urgencies no doubt, but if we keep doing the important tasks in time, we can prevent them from becoming urgent. A careful plan today may save us from problems tomorrow. A good exercise may help us avoid health emergencies. An investment today may help avoid a financial crisis tomorrow. Develop a keen eye to recognize a task that has strategic importance and resolve to do them now. This one habit can change your entire life - from constant out-of-control fire fighting to a smooth, balanced routine with systematic plan in place. Sounds like I am smoking something? Try it out yourself and see the impact. To find out more on how to do it, read Stephen Covey.

Find out your Mission
What has my mission got to do with time management? Before you get down to spending time on the most important tasks in your life, you will need to ask the question, "What is most important for me?" And the most important tasks in your life are those that are connected with the mission of your life. It is not easy, but spending time on thinking about and discovering your mission statement gives you such an anchoring effect that the impact can just be experienced, can not be described. Contrary to popular belief, each and every one of us can have a mission statement that articulates what he or she is about.

Armed with all this knowledge, it may seem that managing time must be really simple stuff for me. Far from it, even with the understanding of the principles involved, it is tough to get the best out of my time on a day-to-day basis. Even after years of trying out, it is still an unsolved mystery for me. I hope I can find the answer before the time runs out for me :)

What can I do in a Traffic Jam?

I try to keep a positive attitude, but what can I do when stuck in hopeless situations such as:
- I cooked a meal with a lots of interest and effort and it gets burnt
- On my way to office, I get stuck in a terrible traffic jam (a good tongue twister), and I am already late for an important meeting.

I found the following advice from Shri Nimishananda very relevant for such situations:

We are constantly thinking of negative things, having a sense of unnecessary fear and expecting the worst to happen. Adversities are attracted by our negative state and they come and settle in us, making our mind a garbage bin.

Many a times we feel that everybody is victimising us for no fault of ours, making us feel very pathetic and ordinary. Instead, when we don't unnecessarily assume the worst, we value and feel that life is precious and extraordinary. Meditation brings about this awareness to make our life extraordinary. Savour every moment of your life, even when it brings unexpected challenges to you, by treating them not as problems that obstruct your progress, but as opportunities that foster your growth.

Let us say that you are cooking a dish and it gets completely spoilt. Don't worry. Cook it once more if you can or cater it from outside. Don't brood over it and invite tension. Remember, for an extraordinary mind, the solutions are always striking and simple. When there is no interest, life remains mechanical and ordinary but when you are deeply interested in everything you do, every situation becomes a doorway to expansion. Your life becomes extraordinarily joyful.

When you enjoy every circumstance as extraordinary, the unpleasant elements of stress, strain and tension that torments each day of your present existence disappears completely. Never waste a single moment of your life in boredom and depression. These negative factors slowly choke off the bliss of your soul along with peace, contentment and creativity.

Even if you are caught in a traffic jam, relax and enjoy the respite from driving. Resolve that "I will now convert this traumatic situation into a blissful one." Then, evolve by chanting a mantra, singing a bhajan or praying for someone whom you think is suffering. Then, you convert an ordinary moment into an extraordinary moment of presence of mind and wisdom.

So, rejuvenate and refresh your soul. Don't worry about the traffic ahead or behind. Till the traffic moves, you cannot move, anyway! So, just relax and use this time to touch your inner core; accept the traffic jam as being inevitable.

However, if you have the habit of losing your cool in traffic jams, sorrow becomes your constant companion. Even if the delay means that you will miss an important appointment, don't allow this to stress you because it saps your enthusiasm and power to overcome obstacles.

A Positive Look at Conflicts

I have a strong opinion about everything, and this often gets me into a conflict at work, at home, or in the society. Can there be anything positive in such conflicts ? Come on! what can be positive about two persons fighting bitterly? Are you not taking this positive attitude thing too far?

I have seen many people who are a pro at handling conflicts, ending up with good results even in the midst of heated arguments, and keeping the relationship intact. Unfortunately, I am not one of them, though I want to be one. Watching them in action, I often wonder if there is any inherent talent that makes them click while given the same situation I would have either offended the other person badly to get my way, or given in to compromise on my goal.

I have also seen that life throws a lots of such conflicts at me regularly. On some days I can put my point across in a manner that it is seen and accepted by others, but on other days I argue and fight with no resolution, or give up to be the loser. At times, such inter-personal conflict can be really frustrating as it gets me stuck - "Why does he always have to be so unreasonable? Things will go so much smoothly if only we have agreement among ourselves."

When two of us work together on something, we have differences in our way of looking at the problem and its possible solutions. I know that it is this very difference that gives rise to synergy and create a far better result than what any one of us could have thought about on our own. I have experienced many such moments where as a team we could create wonderful things. But how do I harness this difference and make it useful before it goes out of control like a fire?

Researchers in human behavior have been working on this question for a very long period. Years back, Dale Carnegie came out with many tips on how to be effective in a conflict situation. Noted author Stephen Covey also stressed the need to think win-win and listen emphatically to achieve synergy when working with others. The Parent-Adult-Child model in Transcational Analysis given by Eric Berne tried to explain what goes wrong in these interactions. More recently, I came across a great book, "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson et. al. that should be read by everyone who is looking for an answer to this puzzle, because it not only analyzes the problem, but provides practical solutions that I can use.

This book defines that such conflict situations have three basic components - different opinions, high emotions, and high stakes. When I come out with my worst behavior in these conflicts, it is because the emotional reaction prepares my body for fight-or-flight response, that lowers my capacity to think at the moment. To achieve the best outcome from the conflict, I need to have discussion, share my view, understand the other view, get a sense of common purpose, and explore alternatives till we collect enough information to reach a decision. However, this flow of information is interrupted when one of us moves to silence (not sharing our view) or violence (attacking or forcing our view). For best outcome, my goal should be to try and stay in dialog and exchange views, and it is possible to do it.

The most important step is to learn to recognize the conflict at its first sign, so that I turn on my thinking cap, rather than be purely driven by emotions. Half the battle is won if I know that I am in the midst of a crucial conversation, and it is important to handle it carefully if I want a great result from it.

Another key action is to make it safe for others to share their views. Very often, the mutual respect gets lost in such a conflict, so the other person does not feel safe enough to share his view. Safety is also impacted when the two people are at cross purposes. I have seen that even on most touchy topics, when the dialog flows smoothly, it is because we maintain respect for each other and work on finding a common purpose.

How often do I manage to keep respect in a conflict? Do I convey disrespect by my words, tone, or expressions? Do I interrupt people and not listen to them? Do I tell myself stories about how the other person has got it all wrong and he is not listening to my reasonable ideas? It is these behaviors that are a sure shot recipe for my disaster in conflicts.

So, the problem is with me, not with anyone else.

Positive Reading

Normally, we read a book in one go from cover to cover and then put it on the shelf. While this gives us an overall idea about the material, for maximum benefit, we need to practice "Positive Reading" In Positive Reading, you approach the book with a deep, driving desire to learn something new from the book, and derive maximum benefit from it as a result. Here are some tips on how to go about it.

Do not just read as a passive audience. Read actively with a pencil or highlighter in hand. When you come across an interesting idea, pause and highlight or underscore it. This will also help you quickly review the book later.
As you read, stop frequently and ask yourself how you can you use this information.
Review a chapter again before going on to the next one and think about what you have learned. At least take a look at the portions you have highlighted.
Apply the new knowledge in real life situations. Knowledge becomes useful only when you apply it.
The best way to learn something is to teach it. Try to read as though you are going to teach it to your spouse, your child, or a friend today or tomorrow, while it is still fresh, and notice the difference in your mental and emotional process.

If you approach every book that you read in this way, you will not only remember what you read, but you will have a deeper understanding on the subject, and will be more motivated to apply the learning. Happy Reading !!

The King's Speech - a landmark for meaningful cinema

The King's Speech is all over the news for sweeping the Oscars this year. I went to see this movie today and I really liked it. It is certainly a great movie about a touchy subject. It uses real-life story of King George VI's struggle with his speech problem to create sensitivity about people who stammer.

The King was so badly affected by his inability to speak fluently that every public speech or radio broadcast used to be a nightmare for him. However, he overcame his difficulty with determination, sustained effort, and help from an Australian speech therapist.

This movie assures every young person with speaking difficulty that it is possible for him to get over it, and it is useful education for his near and dear ones.

There have been a number of great movies in the past that have given sensitive treatment to different challenging conditions. Black, Sparsh, Tare Zamin Par, Shor, Koshish are example of some of the great Hindi movies on the subject. But the poor stammerer has remained the butt of jokes and caricatured badly in most movies.

Every one in a hundred persons faces speech dis-fluency. It is very likely that most of us are familiar with someone in the family, or has a friend who faces trouble every time he opens his mouth. We see him struggle with trivial tasks like saying his name, or reciting a text. However, most of us know very little about why it happens, how to react to it, and what we can do to help the person who is facing it.

A typical stammerer himself makes all attempts (in vain) to sweep his trouble under the carpet and hide his difficulties, which makes the matters worse for him. Since he does not talk about it, how will those around him know what he is going through?

That's why this movie has done a great job to bring this issue out from under the carpet and promote healthy discussion and education about it. Movies like this will go a long way to shape the attitude of society towards people who stammer.

I also read the book on the same subject with a lot of interest. The book has much more detail taken from the diaries of Lionel Logue - the man who helped the king with his speech.

Three years after I wrote this post, I was moved to see very sensitive portrayal of stutter in a blockbuster Hindi film, and who could have done it better than my favorite Amir Khan in the recent super hit Dhoom 3?

Silence is Golden

Sheetal Mehra has a very interesting way of making a point about the importance of pause.

आज की व्यस्त दुनिया में हम पर चारों तरफ से आवाजों का हमला होता रहता है - फोन की घंटियां, बीपर, आपस में बहस करते सहयोगी। ऐसी परिस्थिति में चुप्पी बड़ी अजीब लगती है और मजबूरन हमारा ध्यान उसकी तरफ खिंचता है।

अक्सर चुप्पी को हम कम करके आंकते हैं, उसका इस्तेमाल भी बहुत कम करते हैं। लेकिन इसका कई तरह से इस्तेमाल हो सकता है और यह निर्भर करता है उसकी लंबाई पर :

बिजनेस मीटिंग के दौरान हल्का सा पॉज आप को अपनी भावनाओं पर काबू पाने का मौका देता है। खासतौर पर जब आप किसी नाराज क्लाइंट से बात कर रहे हों या किसी 'खराब' ईमेल का जवाब दे रहे हों।
बिजनेस लीडर कमरे या मीटिंग हाल में घुसते समय चुप्पी का इस्तेमाल अपना असर जमाने के लिए करते हैं। साथ ही वह ऐसा करके खुद को माहौल के हिसाब से ढाल रहे होते हैं।
मीटिंग्स के दौरान भी बिजनेस और पॉलिटिकल लीडर भी अक्सर पॉज लेते हैं। इससे यह जाहिर होता है कि वे गंभीरता से सोच समझकर बोल रहे हैं, हड़बड़ी में कोई फैसला नहीं ले रहे।
एक वक्ता के लिए यह जानना बहुत जरूरी है कि किसी वाक्य के बीच में एक विशेष स्थान के पहले या बाद में थोड़ा से रुकने का बड़ा नाटकीय असर होता है। इससे बातचीत की एकरसता टूटती है साथ ही आपको सांस लेने का मौका मिलता है। दूसरी तरफ श्रोताओं को भी आपकी कही बात समझने का अवसर मिलता है। किसी कमिडियन से पूछिए कि लोगों को हंसाने में सही समय पर पॉज लेने की कितनी अहमियत है। - जब आप अपने क्लाइंट को कुछ बेचने की कोशिश कर रहे होते हैं उस समय भी पॉज लेने से आपके क्लांइट को डील पर सोचने का टाइम मिल जाता है।
किसी क्लाइंट को डिस्काउंट देते समय पॉज लेने से लगता है कि आपने सोच समझकर इस फैसले पर पहुंचे हैं।
दूसरे समाज या संस्कृति के लोगों से बातचीत करते समय भी चुप्पी का विशेष महत्व है। मसलन, हम भारतीय लोग तेज बोलते हैं इसलिए हमें बीच बीच में पॉज लेने की अहमियत समझनी चाहिए। वहीं जापानी लोग चुप्पी का असरदार तरीके से इस्तेमाल करते हैं। लेकिन अमेरिकन लोगों को बातचीत में गैप पसंद नहीं है। कई एशियाई सभ्यताओं में दूसरे की चुप्पी को नजरअंदाज करना बुरा समझा जाता है।
जब आप अपना परिचय दे रहे होते हैं या फिर वॉयसमेल छोड़ते समय अपने नाम और मेसेज के बीच में थोड़ा गैप रखने से दूसरों को आपका नाम और संदेश ठीक से समझ आता है।

Positive thoughts are like good seeds

A Great thought by Sitaram Gupta:

एक किसान फसल काटने के बाद सबसे पहले जो काम करता है, वह है अगली फसल के लिए उनमें से सर्वोत्तम बीजों का चुनाव करना और उन्हें सुरक्षित भंडार घर में रख देना। किसान की तरह हमें भी अपने मन में केवल सर्वोत्तम विचारों का ही भंडारण करना चाहिए। जिस प्रकार उत्तम बीजों से उत्तम फसल पाई जा सकती है, उसी प्रकार सकारात्मक सोच रूपी बीज ही उचित अवसर पाकर व्यक्ति तथा समाज के लिए उत्तम सृजन करते हैं।

मनुष्य के मन में हर क्षण असंख्य विचार उत्पन्न होते रहते हैं, जिनमें से कुछ विचार सकारात्मक या उपयोगी होते हैं तो कुछ नकारात्मक या अनुपयोगी। वैसे ज्यादातर विचार निरर्थक ही होते हैं। यदि वे सब विचार प्रभावी होने लगें तो हमारा जीवन नरक बन जाएगा। इसलिए विचारों के चयन में भी हमें सदा सचेत रहना चाहिए। हमें प्रयास करके सकारात्मक व उपयोगी विचारों का चयन कर मन के हवाले कर देना चाहिए।

कोई व्यक्ति क्या सोचता है, यह महत्वपूर्ण है, न कि क्या करता है अथवा कैसा दिखता है। वास्तव में व्यक्ति क्या कर रहा है अथवा कैसा दिख रहा है, यह उसकी पूर्व सोच का ही परिणाम है। उसकी पिछली सोच ने ही उसके वर्तमान का निर्माण किया है। चाहे व्यक्ति का भौतिक शरीर हो, उसकी वर्तमान आर्थिक स्थिति हो, उसका जीवन के प्रति दृष्टिकोण हो या वर्तमान मनोवृत्ति -ये सब उसकी पिछली सोच से निर्मित हुई चीजें हैं। यही कर्मफल का सिद्धांत है। जैसा बोओगे वैसा काटोगे।

सोच भी वह बीज ही तो है, जिसकी फसल सोचने वाले को कर्मफल के रूप में काटनी पड़ती है। अच्छी सोच रूपी बीज बोओगे तो उसी के अनुरूप अच्छे व्यक्तित्व, अच्छे स्वास्थ्य, अच्छे संस्कार और सुख-समृद्धि रूपी अच्छी फसल काट पाओगे। अपनी सोच को बदल कर उसे सकारात्मकता प्रदान कर हम अपने सुनहरे भविष्य का निर्माण कर सकते हैं तथा विकारों से मुक्ति पा सकते हैं, इसमें संदेह नहीं। दूसरे हमारे बारे में क्या सोचते हैं, इसका हम पर कोई असर नहीं पड़ता, बल्कि हमारी अपनी सोच ही हमें और दूसरों से हमारे व्यवहार को निर्धारित करती है।

हर बार हर किसान के खेत में अच्छी फसल नहीं होती। कई बार फसल कमजोर होती है तो कई बार बीजों में कीड़े वगैरह लग जाते हैं। ऐसे में वो बड़ी समझदारी से काम लेता है। कोई किसान घुन लगे या कमजोर बीज कभी नहीं बोता। अगले साल बोने के लिए वह दूसरों से अच्छे बीज मांग कर लाता है।

विचारों का उद्गम स्थल है हमारा मन। अत: मन पर नियंत्रण द्वारा हम गलत विचारों पर रोक लगा सकते हैं तथा अच्छे विचारों से मन को आप्लावित कर सकते हैं। यदि जीवन रूपी बगिया को सुंदर बनाना है, उसे रंगों से सराबोर करना है, तो मन रूपी बगिया में हमेशा सकारात्मक सोच के पौधे लगाइए।

प्राय : कहा जाता है कि पुरुषार्थ से ही कार्य सिद्ध होते हैं , मन की इच्छा से नहीं। बिल्कुल ठीक बात है। लेकिन मनुष्य पुरुषार्थ कब करता है और किसे कहते हैं पुरुषार्थ ? पहली बात तो यह है कि मन की इच्छा के बिना पुरुषार्थ भी असंभव है। मनुष्य में पुरुषार्थ या हिम्मत अथवा प्रयास करने की इच्छा भी किसी न किसी भाव से ही उत्पन्न होती है। और सभी भाव मन द्वारा उत्पन्न तथा संचालित होते हैं। अत : मन की उचित दशा अथवा सकारात्मक विचार ही पुरुषार्थ को संभव बनाता है। पुरुषार्थ के लिए उत्प्रेरक तत्व मन ही है।

जिस प्रकार वृक्ष के उगने के लिए बीज अनिवार्य है , उसी प्रकार हर कार्य के मूल में एक बीज होता है और वह है विचार। जैसा बीज , वैसा पौधा तथा जैसा विचार वैसा कर्म। मनुष्य हर कर्म किसी न किसी विचार के वशीभूत ही करता है। जैसे विचार वैसे कर्म तथा जैसे कर्म वैसा जीवन। विचार ही हमारे जीवन की दशा और दिशा निर्धारित करते हैं।

Focus on the Roots

Very often we want results very quickly without paying the price over an extended period, and when we do not succeed, it causes frustration, resentment, and sorrow. How do we handle such situations? Here is a story that may have the answer.

A man wanted to have a green tree in his home. He thought it would take very long time to grow such a tree. So, he selected a fully grown tree in a garden, and employed labourers to dig it up and then plant it in his courtyard. The man was very happy as he had found a quick way of having a lush green tree.”

But the next morning he found that the tree's leaves began to wither, and after a few days the whole tree dried up. He was disappointed. When one of his friends asked him the reason of his sadness, he said: “I am in a hurry, but God isn’t.”

Why is it that the tree was green when it was in the garden, but dried up when it was transferred to another place - the courtyard ?

The tree dried up because when it was in the garden, it had its roots intact, but when it was moved to the courtyard, it had very few of its roots left. And it is roots that give life to a tree. It takes time and effort to develop proper roots.

This story instructs us about this universal law of nature, which is based on gradual development and not on sudden leaps. One who follows this principle will be successful, while the one who fails to follow it, is destined to failure.

This law of nature applies to all human activities. It is the need of every business, every profession, and every institution to have proper roots, that is, a sound basis. There is no exception to this principle. For example, education is the basis for a job, reputation is the basis of a business, and infrastructure is the basis of national development. Constructing a really solid foundation requires a long period of time; you cannot have such a foundation by just taking wild leaps.

When you are in a hurry to achieve something, you tend to violate the law of nature. You want to build something fast without waiting to grow proper roots, which is not possible. Those who engage in a gradual process will find support in nature; and without such support no achievement is possible.

Next time when you are about to try to achieve something by leaping into things, pause and think about the uprooted tree. Shift your focus on developing the required roots, and the results will follow.

Sharpen The Saw

A woodcutter was working to saw down a tree. He was exhausted from working for hours. Someone noticed that his saw has gone blunt and suggested that he take a break to sharpen the saw.

The woodcutter replied, "I don't have time to sharpen the saw, I'm busy sawing!"

How often does this happen to us in real life situations? Do we take enough time for improving ourselves on a regular basis so that we are better equipped to tackle the challenges of life?

If you are like most people, chances are that you are so engrossed in your daily work (sawing) that you feel there is no time for self-improvement (sharpen the saw).

We need regular exercise and healthy diet to stay physically fit. If we ignore our health for a prolonged period, it may cause a health issue, reducing our capacity to work.

We also need to sharpen our mental ability by reading and learning new things. This helps us do the same job with a deeper understanding, and equips us to take on more challenging tasks.

Another important dimension is the emotional side. We need to invest in close relationships within our family and friend circle to ensure our emotional well being. The work alone can not give us a happy and satisfied life, if we do not have the love of our close ones. It takes time and effort to build close relations, and the rich dividend is worth the effort.

The fourth dimension is spiritual. Do we have a meaning or purpose in life? When we take time to think and discover our mission in life, it can have a truly energizing effect on all areas of our life.

So, spend some time everyday in sharpening the saw and you will soon experience a big boost to your effectiveness and productivity.

Ten Pearls of Wisdom

Right now, this is life; so make the most of it. You have the power to affect the lives of millions of people in a positive way by your actions, or you could bring down the mood of people around you.
Focus on being consciously aware of all things in your life, from your emotions to your reactions. Only the light of your awareness can help you make changes.
Work on the art of letting go, rather than needing all the answers and all the assurances. You will never have them.
You have a choice whether you want to focus on the positive or negative. Exercise that choice today and live a happy life.
If you keep doing what you have always done, you'll keep getting the same results. You can not reach a new place by following the old path.
If you are not enjoying the journey, it's possible that you are in wrong lane. Don't be afraid to start all over again in a new direction. It is never too late in life.
See every obstacle from a new perspective, a different mindset, and not as a stop sign. See them as an opportunity to grow.
Whatever problem you have, it's likely that someone else has had the same issue and has already provided a solution.
At times, people may not treat you well, but If you give someone long enough, they will show you their positive side.
Holding a grudge against another harms you much more than anyone else. Find a better use for your time and energy.

Who Moved My Cheese?

This is one of my all time favorite books by the great author Spencer Johnson. This book teaches an important lesson about how to deal with change in our life, and it gives it to us in a very simple and easy-to-understand way.

Very often, we get used to things and situations in life, and dread the possibility of a change. Whether we like or not, changes does happen to everyone - We grow old, change jobs, become parents, kids grow up and become independent, on and on. If we resist any of these changes in our life, it is sure to cause us stress, that is best avoided.

The book contains a story of two mice and two little people who hunt for cheese in a maze. They find a source of cheese and get used to it. On day, they discover that the cheese is gone! The author narrates how they deal with this change, and gives the following lessons along the way:

Change Happens - They Keep Moving The Cheese

Anticipate Change - Get Ready For The Cheese To Move

Monitor Change - Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old

Adapt To Change Quickly - The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Can Enjoy New Cheese

Change - Move With The Cheese

Enjoy Change! - Savor The Adventure And Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese!

Be Ready To Change Quickly And Enjoy It Again - They Keep Moving The Cheese.