Struggles are Good for Our Kids


As parents, we try our best to help and protect our kids from life's harsh realities and disappointments. The usual thought is, "I don't want my kids to struggle like I did". But famous ex-Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Dan Kindlon has very different view about it. He says that over-protected children are more likely to struggle in relationships and with challenges. When we are extra protective about our kid, we send him the message that he is not capable of helping himself. Clinical psychologist Dr. Wendy puts it very well, "It  is  our  job  to  prepare  our  children  for  the  road, not  prepare  the  road for  our  children."

The following short story illustrates this thought very well. I came across this story recently and found it very inspiring, so I am sharing it here:

A Gardner saw a small butterfly laying a few eggs in one of the pots in his garden. Since that day he looked at the egg with ever growing curiosity and eagerness. The egg started to move and shake a little. He was exited to see a new life coming up right in front of his eyes. He spent hours watching the egg now. The egg started to expand and develop cracks.. A tiny head and antennae started to come out ever so slowly.The man's excitement knew no bounds. He got his magnifying glasses and sat to watch the life and body of a pupa coming out. He saw the struggle of the tender pupa and couldn't resist his urge to help. He went and got a tender forceps to help the egg break, a nip here a nip there to help the struggling life. 

And look! The pupa came out of the egg. The man was ecstatic.  He waited now each day for the pupa to grow and fly like a beautiful butterfly; but Alas that never happened. The larvae pupa had a oversized head and kept crawling along in the pot for the full 4 weeks and died. 

Depressed, the man went to his botanist friend and asked the reason. His friend told him
the struggle to break out of the egg helps the larvae to send blood to its wings and the head push helps the head to remain small so that the tender wings can support it thru its 4 week life cycle. In his eagerness to help the man destroyed a beautiful life.

Struggles are good for all of us and our kids. A small effort put in today goes a long way to develop our strength to face life's difficulties in future.


About This Post
This story was sent to me by Jagminder Chugh as a message. Thanks a lot Jagminder for sharing such an inspirational message.

Take Charge of Your Health - Now !


I did not study medical science myself, but I have a deep respect for the discipline. As an engineer, I really marvel at the wonderful advances in this field over the years. What used to be killer diseases of past have been reduced to a curable illness with a simple pill. Vaccines have been developed to prevent many deadly diseases early on. Advance diagnostics methods not only detect the cause of the disease with certainty, but also flag the conditions that may lead to diseases in future with accuracy. Imaging techniques like X-rays, ultrasound, CT-scans, and Angiograpgy enable doctors to see clearly what is going on in our body.

Silent ailments like Diabetes, and Cardiac diseases are easily managed with early detection and care with the help of pathology tests. Development of Genetic science has reached a point that it is about to become the ultimate tool to read your DNA like a book and answer the crucial question – are you susceptible to a certain disease or not?

There have been such unbelievable advances in Medicine, Diagnostics, and Surgery that it sounds like a miracle to a layman. Open heart surgery on a beating heart is similar to replacing a tyre in a running car. My engineering mind can never understand how you can replace parts in a system without shutting it down. But the human body can be shut down only once in its lifetime – and medical science has learned to work with this constraint :)

There is no doubt that this tremendous progress in the medical field has given us the gift of longer life spans. Infant mortality has come down significantly and average life expectancy has gone up. It has become super easy to cure most diseases. Does this mean we are moving towards a disease-free healthy world? The reality seems to be far from it. The more cures we find, the higher incidence of diseases we find around us. Today, our hospitals and clinics are filled with more patients than ever. There is such a shortfall of doctors everywhere that all doctors are super busy treating the patients – living a crazy break-neck schedule every day. New killer diseases show up with alarming regularity – Cancer, Dengue, AIDS, Swine Flu, Ebola, to name a few.

With the increased life span, falling health in old age is a cause of concern for many as the healthcare expenses in the old age are going up. Post retirement finances were already a big worry for the aged, and it has become even bigger now. While it was enough to plan for ten years after retirement in the past, one has to worry about twenty or thirty years now.  The health problems are not limited to the aged population only. We are seeing a trend of early onset (in 40’s) of chronic ailments like Diabetes, Heart diseases, Back and joint pain, etc. To complicate the situation further, the unholy nexus between corrupt doctors, drug companies, and diagnostic labs is driving the cost of treatment further to prohibitive zone for the common man.

The situation is far from healthy and it does not feel that we will be in a disease-free world any time soon. In fact it makes me wonder – “Are we designed by nature to be sick? What is the purpose of widespread diseases? Who is responsible for this sorry state?”

After pondering on this topic for a while, I have a possible answer. It is we who are responsible for our current situation. The root cause of the problem may lie in our attitude and approach towards health. We have left it completely to the doctor to take care of our health. We just want her to give us medicine or do a surgery but do we follow the lifestyle advice given by her? Do we bother to moderate our diet? Do we find time for physical exercises?  On the contrary, we get into junk food, smoking, drinking, and drugs. We constantly live with all kind of stress in our mind. When we fall ill, we expect the doctor to ‘fix’ our health problem quickly with strong medicines and injections. If it turns into a serious illness, we get scared with the thought, "What if I am not cured?" In short, with such powerful medical facilities at our disposal, it is natural that we refuse to accept death as a possible outcome. What is happening here? Are we not trying to live forever?

Clearly, the solution has to be found within ourselves. What can we do about it? Let us pause and think again, "What is more important, More days in life or more life in days?" Let us try to live more, not longer.  Our natural tendency is to stay healthy, and if we remove the obstacles that come in the way of this natural state, we will regain our health and will not have to go to the doctor so often.

By this, I do not mean that we stop going to the doctor when we are sick. We need to learn to take responsibility for our well-being and take positive action to live a happy and healthy life. How can we go about doing it? I have compiled a list of suggestions below that I have found to be very helpful in my own experience.
  • Live happy and stress free life. Stress causes or aggravates the majority of diseases in modern times. Learn yoga, meditation, learn to accept things as they come. Stop being in the rat race.
  • Cultivate a positive mindset. Look at the bright side of things.
  • Find a purpose in life and absorb yourself into it. When you are busy doing something you feel passionate about, it causes a flow of health enhancing juices in our body.
  • Exercise regularly. This is the single most important factor for staying healthy.
  • Eat healthy food in moderate quantity. Avoid junk food and drinks.
  • Have a preventive health check every year; it is just like taking your car for service; if you do not do it, it will break down some day on the road.
  • When you fall sick, take advice from the doctor, and co-operate fully with her. Take rest as advised, follow the diet restrictions, and take all medicines as prescribed. Remember, the medicine itself is not the cure; it is just helping your body to fight the disease. You need to provide your body all the support you can in this fight.

You may be asking, “The above suggestions are all fine, but they are just about changing my approach. How can it help me live longer?”  Ironically, when you shift your focus from longevity to living a happy fulfilled life, it automatically improves your general well-being and makes you live longer.

Think Out of the Box


Many years ago in a small town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant’s beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant’s debt if he could marry the daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.

The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender’s wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant’s garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

All the options are equally bleak? Isn't it an impossible problem to crack? Story abhi baki hai mere dost. (The story is not over yet).

The girl was an out-of-the-box thinker. She sized up the situation quickly and decided her plan of action. She put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.” Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one; and the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty. This is how the clever girl managed to come out of what seemed an impossible situation.

Moral of the Story

Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way. When the logical thinking fails to provide an answer, try lateral thinking and think out of the box to reach the solution.


About this Post
Thanks a lot Ashish Jain for sending this short inspirational story.

Kal Aaj Aur Kal



I am a strong believer of the benefits of living in the present moment. It is the simplest way to get rid of 90% of your mental stress. Very often, when we find ourselves sandwiched between yesterday (Kal), today (Aaj) and tomorrow (Kal), we spend such an inordinate amount of energy on yesterday and tomorrow that it starts to rob us of our happiness today.

Let us take the case of past first. When we are not happy about the way things happened in the past,  we brood over and re-live those unpleasant memories again and again feeling the pain and guilt and becoming unhappy as a result. At other times we nurture a happy memory of glorious past when the going was much better, and we starts to feel unhappy about our present situation. In both cases, we choose to live in the past, letting it ruin our present. More importantly, we end up feeling immobilized – unable to do anything about it; which is only natural since you cannot go to your past and erase or correct anything that has happened.

Similarly, think about future now. How much time do we spend worrying about future? Will I get good enough marks to get admission into the college of my choice? Will I succeed in my business? Will I have enough savings when I retire? Will my marriage work out? There are so many unknown dimensions of future that keep our mind constantly entangled, and cause us extreme anxiety and stress. Again, we sacrifice our present by spending all our energy on future, and this immobilizes us – unable to do anything about it.

So, wise men over the ages have advocated that to be happy, you must learn to shut the door on past and future, and live exclusively in present. Forget about the past that is gone.. you can not change it. Forget about the future that has not yet come.. it’s a distant thing. Focus all your energy on the present – today is what you have with you. In other words, to be happy, you should choose Aaj from Kal, Aaj, aur Kal.

Sounds like obvious stuff? Most of us have heard about this wisdom, but we refuse to believe that it is right to forget about the future. "I have to worry about the future, else the future will be bleak". Well, be assured that living in present is not only good wisdom, but its a natural principle that can not be violated. Any amount of worrying about the future can not help you improve it. You can not fast forward to the future and change even a second of it. By all means, think about the future, carefully plan for it, but eventually what helps build a bright future is the positive action you take today.

Dale Carnegie said, "The load of tomorrow, added to that of yesterday, carried today, makes the strongest falter. Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."


The principle of living in present is such a fundamental one in my mind that I have discussed it in many of my earlier posts as well – if you are interested to find out more, take a look at the following posts:

So, you got convinced that living in present is a natural principle and following this principle is good for keeping happy. However, every now and then we keep running into contradictions that challenge it and makes us take a fresh look at our assumptions. As an interesting example, I attended this leadership workshop recently that defined the key characteristics of good leaders and had extensive discussions on the practices that set exemplary leaders apart. It was stressed that leaders have the following two key attributes:
  • Ability to continuously learn and change
  • A compelling vision of future
In other words, good leaders take a careful look at their past and take a lesson from it, and they are good at looking ahead and painting a picture of the future that inspires people to work towards it. Does this mean that the best leaders have to spend considerable amount of their time on yesterday and tomorrow in contradiction of the principle of living in present? Or does it mean that every leader has to pay a price – that he cannot choose to be happy by staying in present?

I thought a lot about it in an attempt to find an answer, and then one fine day it popped in front of my eyes. Leaders are not living in past or future, but they are living in present. They look at the past briefly to determine what they can learn from it. This is an objective look at the events as a passive observer without any emotions attached to it. Once the analysis is done about what can be done better next time, the door is shut tightly on the past, and the lesson is used to improve the actions taken today. They do not hold on to the memories of the past beyond this point. Similarly when good leaders look ahead to paint a vision of the future, they do so without any feeling of anxiety. When they share their vision of future with others, they stay firmly in the present, with a keen focus on what steps should be taken today to move towards their vision.

So, the bottom-line is that Yesterday and Tomorrow can be like a helpful friend to us if we learn to handle them in a positive way while staying firmly in Today. Use your present to learn from your past and take action now to create a bright future for yourself. Always keep the principle of living in present in mind. How-so-ever hard you try, you cannot go back to the past or go forward to the future. This day, this hour, this moment is all we have with us.

आगे भी जाने न तू, पीछे भी जाने न तू
जो भी है, बस यही एक पल है


About this Post

  • The idea of writing this post took seed in my mind while attending a leadership workshop last month, but it took more than four weeks of thinking to give it a final shape.
  •  I chose the title Kal Aaj aur Kal. Kal means yesterday in Hindi, it also means tomorrow, while Aaj means today. So while Aaj denotes present, Kal represents both past and future.