Feeling Nostalgic with a Bag Full of Memories

Memory is such a wonderful thing. I wonder how I carry the memories of a lifetime with me. I Just need to sit alone in a quiet corner for a few moments and a medley of memories start playing in my  mind like a television show. It is indeed remarkable that even if the incidence may have taken place many years ago, I have it in my memory with its minutest details.

Ever noticed what happens when a memory reruns in our mind? I can view the images, hear the sounds, smell the fragrances, feel the touch, and even experience the thoughts and emotions I had at that time. In other words, I am transported back to that period, and experience it in a such a complete way that a TV show can not even come anywhere close to it. 

There are so many happy memories of childhood that I carry with me, when I lived a carefree existence, with abundant hope for future, and an infinite source of enthusiasm and curiosity. The childhood memories make me feel so nostalgic at times that I yearn to return to childhood again:

ये दौलत भी ले लो, ये शोहरत भी ले लो,
भले छीन लो मुझसे मेरी जवानी,
मगर मुझको लौटा दो बचपन का सावन,
वो काग़ज़ कि कश्ती, वो बारिश का पानी

The thoughts of the days of youth are equally alluring. What a heady mix of young innocence, new found independence, and the mischievous adolescence it was. It was an age when the whole world was a playground and nothing could go wrong. The pranks, the friends, the bunking of class, hanging around in college canteen, late night movie shows, the list may go on and on. The happy memories of youth haunt me and take me back to those memorable days:

जाड़ों की नर्म धूप और आँगन में लेट कर,
आँखों पे खींचकर आँचल के साये को,
औंधे पड़े रहें कभी करवट लिये हुए
दिल ढूँढता है फिर वही फ़ुरसत के रात दिन
बैठे रहे तसव्वुर-ए-जानाँ किये हुए

Not all memories are pleasant though. On the flip side there are also some painful memories of the times when I got hurt or betrayed by a close one. And such sad memories also come back with equal regularity and make me feel the emotions of hurt, anger, and hatred again with equal intensity.

I have observed that when I let my mind drift on its own, the thoughts and memories that show up are picked up in a completely random order. An old happy memory may play for a few second giving way to a more recent sad memory, going on to another stressful memory and so on. I do not understand the pattern behind it and not even sure if there is one. I looked at some memories that play most often and it seems that all of them have very strong emotions attached to them. So, looks like that emotions make a memory deeply entrenched in your brain.        

Can I forget everything about my past? It seems I can not even if I try my best to do it. Well, what would I like to change about my memories in that case? Nothing at all. I like my memories as they are. Even if they make me feel nostalgic at times, my bag full of memories is my most cherished treasure because that's all I am left with:

बस यादें यादें यादें रह जाती हैं
कुछ छोटी छोटी बातें रह जाती हैं

Do I want to get rid of the sad memories? Maybe not. These are as much a part of my life as pleasant memories. Even the painful memory of someone causing hurt is a reminder that the person is so close to me that what he does really matters. After all, you don't get hurt by strangers. So, when a painful emotional memory plays back, its time for me to thank God that I have people who are close to me.

To end this post, I am leaving you with this beautiful thought about memories - If you try to remember, everything will come back: 

करोगे याद तो हर बात याद आएगी
गुज़रते वक़्त की हर मौज़ ठहर जायेगी