Learn to Move On


Once upon a time two monks were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. As they prepared themselves to wade across the river, they noticed a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.

The senior monk offered to carry her across the river on his back to which she readily accepted. The junior monk was shocked by the move of the senior monk and was thinking "How can he offer to carry the lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?" But he kept quiet and did not say anything.

The senior monk took the lady across the river and the other monk followed him unhappily. When they reached the other side, the senior monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her and continued their journey. All along the way for several miles, the junior monk was very unhappy with the improper conduct of the senior monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about senior monk in his head.

Finally, when they reached their ashram many hours later, the junior monk could not stand it any further, he went to the guru and burst out angrily complaining  about the senior monk.  "How can he claim himself a devout monk, when he gives in easily to the charm of a beautiful woman and seize the first opportunity to touch her against all the teachings of the ashram? He should be punished for his misconduct."


The guru listened to the complain, and smiled calmly. He said, "Son, He had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?"

This beautiful story reflects our thinking these days. When we encounter an unpleasant event in life, it irritates us and makes us angry, and we make it worse for ourselves by not willing to let it go, just like the junior monk. There is no point in remaining hurt by an unhappy experience after it is over. We unnecessarily carry a grudge, regret, or guilt in our minds for too long, making ourselves unhappy.

If you want to be happy, find out what is it that you are carrying with you bothers you. learn to drop it and move on..

The Essence of Positive Outlook


This beautiful short story illustrates the essence of positive outlook in a very nice manner:

It was the night of 31st December. A famous writer was sitting pensively in his study room reflecting over the year just gone. He picked up his pen and started writing:

As I look back at the events of last year, it was a particularly unfortunate year in my whole life.
  • I had a surgery and my gall bladder was removed. I had to stay stuck to the bed due to this surgery for a long time.
  • I reached the age of 60 years and had to give up my favorite job. I had spent 30 years of my life in this publishing company.
  • I experienced the sorrow of the death of my father.
  • My son failed in his medical exam because he had a car accident. He had to stay in bed at hospital with the cast on for several days. The destruction of car was another loss.
Having written this, the writer started pondering over the miseries of last year. Just then, the writer's wife entered the room and found her husband looking sad lost in his thoughts. From behind his back she read what was written on the paper. She left the room silently and came back with another paper and placed it on side of her husband's writing. When the writer saw this paper, he found his name written on it with following lines:

This year was an immense blessing of God and it passed really well.
  • Last year I finally got rid of my gall bladder due to which I had spent years in pain.
  • I turned 60 with sound health and got retired from my job. Now I can utilize my time to write something better with more focus and peace.
  • My father, at the age of 95, without depending on anyone or without any critical condition met his Creator.
  • God blessed my son with a new life in-spite of a terrible accident. My car was destroyed but my son stayed alive without getting any disability.

When the writer read the paper, he was happy and amazed at such beautiful and encouraging interpretation of the events in his life that he saw as miseries!

Take a closer look at events in your life that you see as unfortunate. Can you use the lesson in this story to view them in different light? Any development can appear positive or negative depending on how you look at it. Let us learn to be thankful to God for everything that happens to us.There is always a lot to be thankful in everything that happens to us, we need to cultivate the positive way of looking at it.  Even in the adverse circumstance, let us think positive, and be happy that things could be much worse.

This is the essence of positive outlook. Think Positive.. Be Happy..

How to Make Your Volunteer Group Effective


Are you a part of a volunteer group like a charity organization, a social service club, or a neighborhood group? How is your experience in the team? Are the results from the team below expectations, in-spite of having experienced members with a track record of success at work? Does it look lackluster or slow? Do you notice some of the following symptoms in your group?
  • All members are not engaged equally. There are some members who are very active (and therefore are the workforce of the team), and there are others who are passive. There is a general lack of participation and initiative in the group activities.
  • Different members seem to be running in different directions, hence there is a lack of concerted efforts.
  • The team is unable to discuss anything amicably. There is such a ferocious argument and conflict on each and every topic that is discussed that it is impossible to reach any decision in a meeting. Consequently, to make progress, all decisions are made outside the meetings and then rolled out to the members.
  • The team structure is very fragile. Every now and then, some member offers his resignation as he or she is not happy with the situation. To keep the team together itself seems to be a big effort.
It is not at all surprising. Getting a big team to perform at the peak of its potential involves keeping all members engaged and motivated, which is not an easy task; And the challenge gets multiplied when it is a voluntary team with no clear leader, in which the motivation of the members is diverse and different from a team at work. How do we get such a team to perform more effectively? Here are a set of suggestions that may be handy.

Start Right
Before you form the team, make sure to articulate its purpose and mission, and take time to align all the members to this purpose. This may not sound important, but it is the vital force that drives a team. This exercise defines a true North and points everyone towards it. Once each member has a clear view of North, it will be easy to navigate the group in the desired direction.

Clear Roles and Responsibilities
Take time to define the roles and responsibilities of the team members with complete clarity. A volunteers team usually has an elaborate organization, so this is not a problem. The real issue is that due to the informal nature of the team, people do not take the roles seriously and inadvertently step onto other people's toes. This can cause skirmishes, and even conflicts that are blown out of proportion in the extreme case.

Here is an anecdote to illustrate my point. A social group had a designated chairman, and they treated him with a lot of respect. In meetings, every agenda items got discussed with the permission of the chairman and so on. However, very soon, different people in the team started taking decisions about the group programs without even informing the chairman, which was a clear violation of the chairman's circle of influence. After watching it silently for some time, the chairman finally decided to express his objection, hoping that the team will listen to him and correct the behavior. However, the team was convinced that the chairman had no role to play in making these decisions, so they argued with the chairman. Finally, the chairman had to put up with the situation. This is a good example of unclear roles in the team.

Maintain keen Focus
Define short and mid term goals for the team and keep a keen focus on the goals. Nothing energizes a team more than a sense of achievement. Also, make sure to signup for goals that are realistic. Having big stretch goal may sometimes work as a motivator, but make sure not to bite more that what you can chew as a team. If you do that, you will be compelled to nag your members, and this will sure be a big de-motivator.

Adequate Communication
Communication is the key to a team's performance, and it has to be a two way communication. Make sure all important information reaches the members in a timely manner, and make sure every member gets a patient hearing. When you do not listen to the team members, you pave the way for them getting demotivated and disengaged. In the past, face-to-face meetings used to be an effective way of ensuring communication in the team, but in the modern age, we can leverage technology to to it more effectively. Why not use social media platforms like Facebook groups or Whatsapp groups for ensuring communications on the go. Even if you hold a meeting, send the meeting notes on Whatsapp so that those who could not attend the meeting will come on-board as well.

Make Decisions Together
This may be the trickiest part for many of you. Always discuss the issues within the team before arriving at a decision. Why? The reason is two fold:
  • When you discuss a decision well in the team, the team is more likely to align itself on the decision and rally behind it.
  • The principle of synergy states that one plus one can be three, five, or even eleven. When two people combine their ideas in synergy, the outcome will be far better than what any of them could do himself. However, the process of arriving at synergy requires lots of discussion in the team. As a team, do not avoid conflict, but actively encourage difference of opinions and discussions. Do not try to suppress the contradictory opinion. It may help you make a decision quickly, but the quality of the decision will be much richer if you allow discussions and dissent. You need not be too concerned about the resulting slowdown in the decision making. Use the discussion to collect all the facts and opinions about the issue at hand, and in case the difference of opinion persists, let the team leader take a call.
Organize Finances Well
Most teams have to deal with some receipts and expenditure, and because of the informal nature of the team, this is one area that most team tend to take lightly. Avoid this pitfall and make sure to keep a detailed account of all your receipts and expenses, check your balances often against the expected, and share the account regularly with the team. I know a neighborhood team that does it very well using a spreadsheet to keep the account and a printout is circulated every month to all members.

When you do not keep a clear account, the indirect implication on integrity can cause undue complications, even if the intentions of all involved are good. Here is an anecdote to illustrate this point. A social group organized a very big event that had huge collection and expenses. In the hustle-bustle of the big ceremony, the team could not manage to keep account of every receipt and expense. When the person in charge of finance was asked about it some time later, he obviously did not have the required account details, so in an effort to cover up, he claimed that there is no savings as some people have not yet paid their dues, and he produced a list of people whom he saw as 'defaulters'. None of these people were real defaulters, because they either did not agree to contribute, or had paid to someone else in the team that went off-record. Also, none of them were ever reminded about the dues. You can imagine the kind of mistrust it would have generated among those contributors. It would be an uphill task to get them to contribute for the cause again.

Don't Shoot the Messenger 
If there are members who are criticizing a certain decision or action, accept their feedback with grace, and don't think of them as trouble-makers, and try to bulldoze them into silence. It is not difficult to silence the critics as it is a volunteer organization, and they are not likely to persist if they sense that there feedback is not getting accepted in the right spirit. This will buy you harmony in the group in the short run, but will deprive you of the crucial feedback from members in future, as all members will get the message that honest feedback is not appreciated in this team.

Take Time to Appreciate People
This is such a simple principle, yet it is ignored very often. When you take time to appreciate team members for their contribution, it has two positive impacts on the team. It makes the person feel good that his efforts have been recognized, and it creates a positive atmosphere in the team that motivates the members to contribute with more enthusiasm. This one action, if practiced well, can make a huge difference in the energy level of the team. However, as a member or leader of the team, prepare to be self-motivated by the results you obtain and don't rely on explicit external appreciation to be the only source of your motivation.

These are only some of the points that comes to my mind. There can be more, but taking care of the above factors should help you make your volunteer team more effective and cohesive than what it is today. Once the team has learned how to do constructive discussions, it can find ways of improving on its own. 

Forget Your Two Drops of Oil



A merchant asked his son to go to a well known guru and learn the secret of happiness from him. This guru lived in a beautiful isolated castle. The young man wandered through the desert for 40 days before he could find the castle at the top of the mountain where the wise guru lived.

When the boy entered the guru's room, he saw a great deal of activity; merchants coming and going, people chanting in the corners, a small orchestra playing sweet melodies, and there was a table laden with the most delectable dishes of that part of the world.

The guru was very busy talking to his visitors one by one, and the young man had to wait for several hours before he could get to meet him. With considerable patience, the sage listened attentively to the reason for the boy's visit. He told the boy that at the moment, he did not have the time to explain to him the 'secret of happiness'. He suggested that the young man take a tour of the beautiful castle and meet him after that. "However, I want to ask you a favor.", he added, handing the boy a teaspoon, in which he poured two drops of oil. "While you walk, carry this spoon and don't let the oil spill. "The young man began to climb up and down the stairs of the castle, always keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. At the end of his tour, he returned to the presence of the wise man.

The sage asked, "So, did you see the persian tapestries hanging in the dining room? Did you see the garden that the Master of Gardeners took ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in the library?"

Embarrassed, the young man confessed that he had seen nothing. His only concern was not to spill the drops of oil that the guru had entrusted to him.

"So, take a tour again and make sure to experience the wonders of this castle.", said the wise man, "You can't trust a man if you don't know his house."

Now more at ease, the boy took the spoon and strolled again through the castle, this time paying attention to all the works of art that hung from the ceiling and walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around the castle, the delicacy of the flowers, the taste with which each work of art was placed in its niche.

Returning to the sage, he reported in detail all that he had seen. "But where are the two drops of oil that I entrusted to you?", asked the sage.

Looking down at the spoon, the young man realized that he had spilled the oil.

"Well, that is the only advice I have for you," said the sage, "the secret of happiness centers around not letting the two drops of oil ruin your enjoyment of looking at all the wonders of the world."

Think about it. life is beautiful, but our preoccupation with our 'two drops of oil' takes away the happiness from it. What are your two drops of oil? It could be our your worries, cherished goals, a grudge that you hold, etc. Just identify them and forget these two drops of oil and you will find true happiness in your day-to-day life.  
 

Posted from Chennai Airport

The Downside of Winning

We like to win in every game we play and in every life situation. Usually, we hate it when we have to lose, and at times we even go to the extent of trying unfair means to secure a victory. However, is victory always good for us? Definitely not. As good as a victory is, it has its downside too. A defeat or a failure can be an unpleasant experience, but it can be a great source of experience and learning. If we want to build ourselves, a healthy mix of wins and losses can be more suitable than all wins. 

Sounds counter intuitive? Let me narrate a story to illustrate the point.

Ritwik was a young boy who liked nothing more in the world than to win. He loved winning everything. And because he couldn't stand losing, he became an expert in all kinds of tricks and cheating. He could play tricks in practically every situation, without being noticed; even in video games or while playing alone. He could win every time without ever being caught. He won so often that everyone started seeing him as the champion.

But it meant that almost no one wanted to play with him; he was just too far ahead of everyone. One person who did play with him was a poor boy Kartik, who was a bit younger. Ritwik really enjoyed himself at Kartik's expense, always making him look ridiculous.

After some time, Ritwik ended up getting bored with the monotony of the situation. He needed something more, so he decided to play in the national games championship, where he would find competitors of his caliber. At the championship, he was keen to show his skills, but as he tried to use the tricks that he had used in the past, none of them worked there. The judges had taken care to prevent any unfair trick.

He felt terribly embarrassed because he thought he was a good player, but without his unfair tricks, he couldn't beat a single competitor. He was soon eliminated and sat there, sad and pensive.

Finally when they announced the name of the tournament champion, he was surprised to find that it was Kartik, whom he had always beaten. He couldn't understand how was it possible!

Finally he realized that Kartik had learned from every defeat, and he had persevered and worked diligently on improving his game. It was not important for Kartik if he lost a game or got a good beating so long as he was learning from each of his defeats; And with so much learning and training, he transformed himself into a real champion.

So, let us not hate losing, and resolve to take every defeat to learn and strengthen ourselves. Play for a win, but do not try to grab the victory by any means.