Good vs Evil & Relationships

 

Every year as we celebrate Dashahara or Vijay Dashmi as the triumph of Good over Evil, I get reminded of the way Lord Ram persisted in his fight for Truth against all odds and emerged victorious in the end. It tells me without doubt that like Ravan, people on the wrong path may appear prosperous, mighty and invincible for a while, but let us face them with courage and conviction, the Truth will prevail in the end. It convinces me that it is best to follow the path of Truth and right principles in life.

Incidentally, Dashahara and Gandhi Jayanti fell on the same day this year; and there is a common thread between the two.

Mahatma Gandhi, created history by mobilizing the masses in India’s freedom struggle against the tyrant British government without ever deviating from the path of Truth and principles,

He used to say, “There may be tyrants and murderers and for a time, they may seem invincible, but in the end, truth and love has always won”. 

In every situation, remember to follow this principle – do what is right, and stay on the side of truth. Even if appears to bring adversity in the short run, stay firmly on your path and things will eventually be alright. Whenever in doubt, recall the story of Lord Ram and the quote from Gandhi Ji to reinforce your resolve.

However very often, things are not Black or White, but are in a shade of grey. For example, if someone close to us, a friend or a family member is seen straying on the wrong path, what should we do? He may appear to have a good fortune as a result of his wrongdoing or may have hit a rough patch as an outcome of his decisions. What do we do in either case? You will agree that this situation is way more complex than an evil enemy. You can fight a war with an enemy, but what to do when its a friend?

• As a friend, I feel responsible for extending support through thick and thin as we have a strong relationship.
• As a well-wisher, I am also tempted to counsel him about the consequences and try to dissuade him from this path. Many times, he may just ignore my advice, specially when the going is good. 
• On the extreme side, I have the option of breaking the relationship and let him face the consequences of his actions.

This is a dilemma – what to do in such a situation. What is the right choice here? Relationship or Truth? Or is there a middle path to have both?

Recall that Ravan’s family faced a similar dilemma, and they chose different paths:

• Vibhishana tried to counsel Ravan and when it did not help, he chose to stay on the path of Truth with Lord Ram and severed his relationship with Ravan.
• Other brothers chose to stay with Ravan as a matter of solidarity. They had to pay the price of Ravan’s sins with their lives.

Keeping relationship in mind, providing support to the extent possible is essential. If our friend is in trouble, we need to be there for him without judging how he landed there. This is the true essence of any relationship. But we should ensure that we do it without getting involved in the mess ourselves. 

Always ensure that you do not get influenced and stray towards the path of evil yourself in the process of helping your friend. Very often, to wriggle out of a troublesome situation, people deploy the same evil methods that got them into it in the first place. This is a sure shot recipe of an endless downward spiral. Unfortunately, they fail to see this and may ask your help in such an attempt. Learn to recognize such a situation and avoid going that way. Use your own values and judgement to take this call; ask yourself, "Is it alright to do this?" In all situations, try to stay objective and do not get into excessive guilt or emotional pull. I agree that it is easier said than done, but who said life is easy?

These are really complex and unique situations that cannot have a boilerplate solution, but if you act with integrity and values, you have the best chance to do what is right while keeping the relationship intact. The person who is close to you does not become bad just because he has done something wrong. There is always a chance he learns from his mistakes and gets reformed. Continue to nurture your relationship without supporting his wrong actions, and pray that he realizes his follies.