7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I have been very deeply influenced by this landmark book from Stefen Covey. In fact, I read it over and over again, till I got the hang of it. It was great to meet Stefen in person when he visited Delhi and arranged a seminar on his work.

People who follow the principles advocated in the 7 habits book seem to be happier, and more in control. It is not because they are lucky, but because they have have taken control of their own lives. Here are the seven habits described by Stefen:

Habit 1: Be Proactive
Take responsibility for whatever is happening in our life. No matter what is the situation, we have the ability to choose our response to it.

Habit 2: Begin with the end in Mind
Decide our mission in life by discovering our mission statement. This will have both the vision and the values. This tells us what are the most important things in our life.

Habit 3: First Things First
Devote maximum time to the most important things in our life (The first things). The definition of important comes from habit 2. If important tasks are taken care of proactively, they will never become urgent, and we will be more in control of our life and schedule.

Habit 4: Think win-win
Approach inter-personal situation with a win-win mindset. Do not try to achieve 'victory' at the cost of others.

Habit 5: Try to understand first, then seek to be understood
Have focus on listening and emphatic understanding of other's point of view before we put forward our own point.

Habit 6: Synergise
Try to work with others such that the outcome is much better than what it would be if we would have worked separately.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Countinuously make efforts to improve in all four dimensions of our life. Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual.

जीवन में सहने का अभ्यास जरूरी है।

Very interesting article that points out how important it is to face difficulties to be successful.

जीवन की रक्षा के लिए भी सहना जरूरी है। बॉयलजी के अनुसार जीव-जंतुओं की वे ही प्रजातियां अपना अस्तित्व सुरक्षित रख सकती हैं जिनमें हर परिस्थिति और चुनौती को झेलने की क्षमता होती है। डार्विन के 'सर्वाइवल ऑफ दि फिटेस्ट' के सिद्धांत का भी यही मतलब है।

हर व्यक्ति को अपने जीवन में कठिनाइयों और समस्याओं का सामना करना होता है। यह एक सार्वभौम नियम है। इसमें कोई अपवाद नहीं है। समय और परिस्थिति के अनुसार हरेक के जीवन में समस्याएं आती हैं, लेकिन जो लोग सहनशीलता का कवच धारण कर लेते हैं, उनके लिए समस्याएं भी समाधान बन जाती हैं। जो तत्व उनकी प्रगति में बाधक होते हैं, वे भी साधक और सहयोगी बन जाते हैं। इसके विपरीत जिनकी मनोवृत्ति सुविधावादी हो जाती है, उनके लिए छोटी-सी प्रतिकूलता को भी सहना कठिन हो जाता है। आज दुनिया के जिन राष्ट्रों में सुख-सुविधा के साधनों का तेजी विस्तार हो रहा है, वहां लोगों की सहन करने की क्षमता घटती जा रही है। जिसके फलस्वरूप वहां नाना प्रकार के मनोरोगों की वृद्धि हो रही है और आत्महत्या के आंकड़े भी बढ़ते जा रहे हैं।

कुछ लोग कठिनाइयों से घबराकर अपना मार्ग बदलते रहते हैं। ऐसे लोग अपने जीवन में कभी भी शांति और सफलता हासिल नहीं कर पाते हैं। जहां किसी प्रकार की कठिनाई और समस्या नहीं हो, इस प्रकार के जीवन की कल्पना एक दिवास्वप्न से अधिक कुछ नहीं है। इस बात को एक कथा से समझा जा सकता है। एक राजा अपने मंत्री के साथ जंगल में नंगे पांव घूम रहा था। वहां बहुत कांटे थे। इससे राजा के पांव लहूलुहान हो गए। इस पर राजा ने मंत्री से कहा- मेरे राज्य में इतने कांटे हैं, मुझे इसका पता नहीं था। मेरे प्रजाजनों को आते-जाते बहुत कष्ट होता होगा। मैं चाहता हूं कि राज्य की सारी धरती पर वस्त्र बिछा दिया जाए, ताकि किसी को असुविधा नहीं हो। मंत्री बुद्धिमान था। उसने कहा- महाराज! सारी भूमि को वस्त्र से ढकना संभव नहीं है। अलबत्ता सबके पांवों को कपड़े से ढका जा सकता है। राजा इस प्रस्ताव से बहुत प्रसन्न हुआ और सबने जूते पहनने शुरू कर दिए। मनुष्य का मन ही इस कहानी में वर्णित राजा और मंत्री है। मनुष्य कठिनाइयों के कांटों और तकलीफों से रहित जीवन की खोज करता है, लेकिन सहनशीलता की छतरी और जूते धारण किए बिना उसकी खोज सफल नहीं हो सकती।

विश्व में जितने भी महापुरुष हुए हैं, उन्होंने नाना प्रकार के अवरोधों और संघर्षों का सामना करने के बाद ही सफलता पाई है। जिस प्रकार आग में तपने से सोने की आभा में नया निखार आता है, उसी प्रकार संघर्षों की आग में मनुष्य का आभामंडल और अधिक तेजस्वी और प्रभावशाली हो जाता है। आज हर युवक अपने व्यक्तित्व का विकास चाहता है। पर इसके लिए सहना और तपना जरूरी है। अंग्रेजी में एक प्रसिद्ध वाक्य है-'फर्स्ट डिजर्व, देन डिजायर' यानी पहले योग्य बनो, बाद में सफलता की कामना करो। जो अपने जीवन में प्रगति चाहते हैं, उनके लिए जरूरी है कि वे इस वाक्य का मनन और अनुसरण करें। अधिकतर लोग तपस्या से बचने के लिए 'शॉर्टकट' तरीके की खोज करते हैं। हो सकता है कि शॉर्टकट से सफलता मिल जाए, पर ऐसी सफलता क्षणिक होती है। साथ ही, इसके दूरगामी परिणाम हानिकारक होते हैं।

असल में सहनशील बनकर व्यक्ति हर समस्या को झेलने में सफल हो जाता है। किसी भी कार्य के आरंभ में अवरोधों का सामना करना होता है। जो उनसे विचलित हो जाते हैं वे अपने लक्ष्य में सफल नहीं हो सकते। जो धीरज से आगे बढ़ते हैं वे उन अवरोधों का निराकरण खोजने में सफल हो जाते हैं।

Footprints..

One day a man was having a conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.

He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.

He asked God, "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life?"

God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you"

"Then where are the footprints?", he asked.

"You see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands"

What an Innovative Solution

A wise retired man lived near a school. His peaceful life got disturbed when three school kids started going across his house after school time, happily playing tabla on the garbage cans kept outside. The noise kept on growing day-after-day, and for a while, it seemed that there is no hope of fixing it.

However, the wise man was a strong positive thinker, hence he refused to give up easily. He thought hard to look for a solution, and found a creative way to fix it.

The next afternoon, he came out to meet the young boys. Stopping them, he said,"You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your happiness like this. In fact I used to do the same when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I will give you 100 Rupees every day if you promise to come and do this for me daily."

The kids were happy to hear this, and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans every day. After a week, the old man greeted the kids again, but this time there was a sad smile on his face. "The rising inflation is really hitting my budget hard", He told them. "From now on, I will be able to give you only 50 Rupees to beat on the cans." The noise makers were obviously not happy, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.

A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look", he said, "I have not received my pension for this month. I will not be able to give you more than 20 Rupees. Will that be okay?"

"Twenty rupees?", the drum leader exclaimed, "If you think we are going to waste our time beating these cans for a mere 20 Rupees, you are nuts! No way dude! We quit!"

The old man's perseverance paid off, and he enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Do you enjoy your coffee ?

A group of alumni, all well-established in their careers, together visited their old university professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about the endless stress of work and life in general...

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen and soon returned with a large pot of coffee and an eclectic assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal - some plain, some expensive, some really exclusive. Quietly, he told them to help themselves to some fresh coffee. When all his students had a cup of coffee in their hands, the old professor quietly cleared his throat and patiently addressed the small gathering.

"You may have noticed that all of the nicer looking cups were taken up first, leaving behind the plainer and cheaper ones. While it is only natural for you to want only the best for yourselves, it is actually the source of much of your stress related problems.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In fact, the cup merely disguises or dresses up what we drink. What each of you really wanted was coffee, not a cup. But you instinctively went for the most exclusive cups. Then you began eying each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is coffee. Jobs, money, and position in society are merely cups or tools to shape and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not truly define nor change the quality of life we live.

Often, we concentrate only on the cup, and so we fail to enjoy the coffee that God has provided us. God brews the coffee, and passes out the cups by His own sovereign will. Enjoy and use your coffee and the cups He has given you to honor Him!"

The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything.

-- With thanks from Speaking Tree, Times of India

Success Does Not Happen In Isolation

There was a farmer who grew superior quality and award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won honor and prizes. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learnt something interesting about how he grew it.

The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.

"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir, "said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior, sub-standard and poor quality corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."

The farmer gave a superb insight into the interdependence in life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.

So it is in the other dimensions! Those who choose to be at harmony must help their neighbors and colleagues to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well.

The value of a life is measured by the lives it touches.

Success does not happen in isolation. It is very often a participative and collective process.

So share the good practices, ideas, new learning's with your family, team members, neighbors.

A Different Kind of Bank Account

Why do we enjoy close relationship with some people while strained relation with others? Why do we find it hard to get our point understood by some people in-spite of all efforts? There are always people in our life with whom we want to improve our relationship, but don't know how to go about it.

The answer lies in the metaphor of the Emotional Bank Account by Stephen Covey, one of the most powerful ideas ever created for the development of interpersonal relationships.

Imagine you have an “Emotional Bank Account" with anyone with whom you have a relationship at home or at workplace. Like any bank account, you can make deposits and withdrawals in it, that makes its balance go up or down. However, the balance in this account represents the trust level between the two of you.

When we make deposits into someone’s Emotional Bank Account, their trust level in us grows, as a result our relationship develops and grows. If we can keep a positive reserve in our relationships, by making regular deposits, there will be greater tolerance for our mistakes and we’ll enjoy open communication with that person. On the contrary, when we make withdrawals and our balance becomes low or even overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develops. If we are to salvage the relationship, we must make a conscious effort to make regular deposits.

Some of the ways of making deposits into Emotional Bank Account are as follows:

1. Understand the Individual
This is a basic requirement for making a deposit. If we do not understand someone we have no idea what will be an emotional deposit and what will result in a withdrawal. Truly understanding someone is not always that easy. Understanding someone requires us to wholly and completely concentrate on what the other person is trying to say, not reloading, just waiting to fire off our response.

2. Make and Keep Promises
When we break our promises to others, we make major withdrawals from their Emotional Bank Accounts. A promise builds up anticipation, and our balance goes up with every promise that we keep.

3. Clarify Expectations
There is nothing more frustrating in a relationship than not understanding what is expected of you. It’s important that the person with whom you are dealing with, knows exactly what is expected of them. Doing this will keep them out of the dark and allow them to relate you confidently, knowing that what they are doing is in line with your expectations.

4. Give and Receive feedback

Do not keep building pent up feelings of resentment in your heart. Take time to openly talk to each other and exchange feedback. Make sure to be receptive to the feedback that the other person provides to you.

5. Be Loyal to the absent
Never talk ill of people behind their back.

6. Use Patience and Persuasion in place of force

Imagine a situation that you have a serious argument on an issue with someone and you want him to agree with you very badly. Instead of using force, it is easier to pull to win him over into an agreement. Invest as much time as required to have a dialog with him about the contentious issue. Make it clear as you start the discussion that he does not have to agree with what you say. Take pains to listen emphatically with an open mind and understand how he sees it. Only after you understand him, then talk about how you see it, and why you believe it to be this way. Keep your patience and invite him to share his objections or concerns about your view. Iterate over the process and do not attempt to hurry. Serious differences in opinion take a lot of time to sort out – give it the time that it needs. In my own experience, on numerous occasions I have seen it work like black magic. It is not that you would always succeed in having your opinion prevail, but you will emerge with a better mutual understanding of the issue and arrive at the best decision together. And a pleasant side effect is that both the parties embrace the outcome  fully now, without any residual bad feeling, making the relationship between the two of you stronger in the process.

7. Attend to the Little Things
Little courtesies, kind words and warm smiles are at the heart of the little things that brighten up a relationship. It shows recognition and an awareness of others. It’s interesting, but within our relationships, if you want success, it’s the little things that really become the big things.

8. Apologize Sincerely after a withdrawal
We all make mistakes as a part of life. Knowing when you are wrong and admitting your mistake prevents the wounds that you’ve caused in others from festering and allows them to heal. When appropriate, sincere apology will keep your relationships accounts in the positive, allowing you to maintain the balance that has been created in your relationship.

9. Forgive others when we are hurt
When other hurt us, we need to take initiative to forgive them to take the relation forward. It is not the snake bite that causes the damage, but the chasing of the snake that drives the poison in. There is no point in holding a grudge against anyone

Read this follow-up post to know how we can grow the balance in Emotional Bank Account.
How to Grow Emotional Bank Account Balance

Your own Goose with Golden Eggs

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with Rs 86,400. But there is a catch. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening it deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. Even with this limitation is it not like a proverbial goose that lays golden eggs everyday? If it is possible, would you not love to have such a bank account?

And what would you do to make the most of such an account?

Draw out every rupee each day and utilize it in the best possible manner, of course, it is simple logic!

What if I tell you that you do have such a bank already with you? Its name is Time.

Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you did not utilize for a good purpose.

It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Every day, it opens with a clean account for you. Each night, it burns the remains of the day.

If you do not use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow".

You must live in the present on today's balance. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health., happiness, and success!

The clock is ticking.

Make the most of today. Focus on what is most important in your life right now !

A day to forgive

It is Kshamavani today - a day to clean our souls by forgiving others and asking for forgiveness. Every religion stresses on the importance of an attitude of forgiveness, and many great thinkers have talked about why it makes sense to forgive even your enemies.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong
- Mahatma Gandhi
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much
- Oscar Wilde
When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us; power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew how they were worrying us, lacerating us, and getting even with us! Our hate is not hurting them at all, but our hate is turning our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil
- Dale Carnegie

In the age of Friendship day, Mother's day, Father's day, Women's day, No Tobacco day, etc.. should we not celebrate a Forgiveness Day to remind ourselves that we better cool down the rising tempers on the roads, homes, and workplaces?
I came across an interesting article, in which Veer Sagar Jain says that the virtue of forgiveness is taught in all the religions the world over and it is in the core of ancient Indian culture. He proposes that Kshamavani has the potential of being our national festival.

Here are some excerpts from the great article:

वृक्ष के मूल की भांति क्षमा संपूर्ण वैदिक धर्म का मूल है। क्षमा के कारण ही वैदिक धर्म इतना उदार, सहिष्णु और व्यापक सिद्ध हुआ है। ग्रंथों में (उपनिषदों और पुराणों में) कदम-कदम पर क्षमा की श्रेष्ठता के गीत गाए गए हैं।

क्षमा के महत्व को सभी धर्मों ने स्वीकार किया है। जब श्रीकृष्ण की मृत्यु जंगल में जर के बाण से हुई, कृष्ण उस व्याध से तनिक भी नाराज नहीं हुए और उन्होंने उसे क्षमा कर दिया। कृष्ण की भांति ईसा मसीह ने भी सूली पर चढ़ते हुए कहा था, 'हे ईश्वर! इन्हें क्षमा करना, ये नहीं जानते कि ये क्या कर रहे हैं।' इसी प्रकार कुरान शरीफ में भी क्षमा के महत्व को रेखांकित करने वाली अनेक बातें कही गई हैं, यथा - 'जो गुस्सा पी जाते हैं और लोगों को माफ कर देते हैं, अल्लाह ऐसी नेकी करने वालों से प्यार करता है।' (कुरान शरीफ : 3/134) और 'जो वक्त पर धैर्य रखे और क्षमा कर दे, तो निश्चय ही यह बड़े साहस के कामों में से एक है।' (कुरान शरीफ : 42/143)

क्रोध सभी के लिए अहितकारी है और क्षमा सदा, सर्वत्र सभी के लिए हितकारी होती है। गुरु गोविंद सिंह जी एक जगह कहते हैं, 'यदि कोई दुर्बल मनुष्य तुम्हारा अपमान करता है तो उसे क्षमा कर दो क्योंकि क्षमा करना वीरों का काम है।'

हमारे पास अपना राष्ट्र्रीय ध्वज है , राष्ट्रीय प्रतीक है , राष्ट्रीय पशु है और राष्ट्रीय पक्षी भी है , पर क्या एक राष्ट्रीय पर्व भी नहीं होना चाहिए ? होना चाहिए , अवश्य होना चाहिए और वह भी हमारी महान संस्कृति के अनुरूप ही महान होना चाहिए। इसके लिए क्षमावाणी जैसा पर्व सर्वाधिक उपयुक्त हो सकता है। यद्यपि लोग इसे जैन पर्व समझते हैं , पर क्षमा एक सार्वजनिक विचार है। वह किसी समाज या जाति विशेष की बपौती नहीं हो सकती।

क्षमावाणी एक ऐसा निर्विवाद पर्व हो सकता है , जो भारतीय संस्कृति के अनुरूप हमारा राष्ट्रीय पर्व सिद्ध होगा। इतना ही नहीं , यदि आगे बढ़कर देखें तो वैश्वीकरण के इस दौर में ' विश्व पर्व ' बनने की क्षमता भी इस पर्व में निहित है

Can't undo the damage done by Anger

A little boy had a very bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally a day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. When he proudly told his father about it, the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.

The fence will never be the same.

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there.

When we hurt over loved ones by saying harsh things in anger, we create such irreversible scars or holes in their hearts that are very hard to heal. It is an action that can not be undone easily.

Before we get angry when things do not work around us, let us remember the 90/10 principle to control our reaction and avoid leaving emotional scars around us.

If You want to Stay Healthy..

A positive attitude is necessary in life to keep ourselves happy; but does it play a role in staying healthy as well? We all have seen instances around us of positive people being healthy, but is it just a coincidence? What role can our thoughts have in us getting a viral infection?

According to Rev K Vasudevan, our health largely depends on our emotions. When we respond negatively to people and situations, we set in motion a negative trend in our entire body system.

All our emotions are connected to the endocrine, nervous and immune systems through our thoughts and feelings. If the systems are negatively charged, they set in motion a chain of negative reactions. Hence we need to respond carefully to situations in life.

American journalist Norman Cousins used this to recover from fatal sickness. He was so ill that his doctors gave up on him. To cheer himself up, he rented really humorous movies and began watching them regularly. He noticed that he was able to sleep better, felt less pain, and gradually recovered. He wrote of his experience in the British Medical Journal.

Art Mathias was allergic to hundreds of food items including fiber. The prognosis being bad, and doctors reluctantly gave up on him. One day, he listened to a teaching on forgiveness and simply decided to forgive those who hurt him. He suddenly realized from that day he could eat many foods, to which he was allergic. Even his skin allergies stopped. Behind this phenomenal healing was the major shift he made in his thinking from harboring bitterness to forgive.

For both Norman and Art, the turning point was their attitude towards health and hurts.

We don't always know everything about illness but a recent study says 82 per cent of all physical sickness is caused by emotions. It is extremely wise to respond positively to every crisis and disappointment in life.

Leaders Inspire.. but they too need Inspiration

A recent discussion in India Leadership Forum on "Which Quote has motivated you most" resulted in more than 550 interesting responses. I found the following quotations most inspiring:

Awake, Arise and Stop not until the goal is reached !! - Swami Vivekananda

Be a change in the world you want to see - Mahatma Gandhi

Only in the 'darkness' , you are able to see the stars - Martin Luther King

It is better to light a lamp than curse the darkness

Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration !!!- Thomas Edison

If you can DREAM it ....You can DO IT !!

Your Attitude, not aptitude, determines your altitude !!

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you - The Bible

May god grant me the courage to change the things I can change,
the serentity to accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
- Robert Frost

Ten Great Books to Read

Reading a good book not only adds to your knowledge but can also be a rejuvenating activity. There are so many good books around that it is hard to pick up a few from them. Here is my personal list of books that I liked most. Some of these are all time favorites - and I keep reading parts of them from time to time.

7 Habits of Highly Effective People	Stephen Covey
How to stop worrying	Dale Carnegie
Who Moved My Cheese?	Spencer Johnson
One Minute Manager	Spencer Johnson
Crucial Conversations	Kerry Patterson
The Education of  Millionaires	Michael Ellsberg
Eat That Frog	Brian Tracy
The World Is Flat	Thomas L. Friedman
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari	Robin Sharma
Emotional Intelligence 2.0	Travis Bradberry
The Alchemist	Paulo Coelho

No Trouble

Here is some good advice by Ralph Marston:
It’s not the troubles that trouble you.
It’s the way you react to them.
What if you could choose not to let the troubles get to you?
What if you could work your way through them while remaining positive and joyful?
Life’s difficulties do not need your help.
They are plenty difficult on their own, without you adding to them.
So make the choice not to add to them.
Acknowledge their reality, deal effectively with them, but don’t allow them to pull you down.
The way you feel is the way you choose to feel.
Choose to feel powerful, choose to feel in control, choose to feel purposeful, abundant, and joyful because at the heart of you, you are.
The living spirit in you is stronger than any trouble you’ll ever encounter.
Remember that, feel its truth, and live your joy no matter what.

Sanjay's First Theorem :)
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a hardware problem.

A Checklist for Social Media Posts

Social Media is abuzz with activity these days with the current burning issue in the country, each one of us is busy is posting our opinion, forwarding posts, commenting on them, answering the comments, and on and on. It looks like everyone has something to say about it. During the day, you and I get hundreds of posts. How do we decide which post to ignore and which to forward? Can there be a checklist to help us decide?

Let me tell you an interesting story before answering this question:

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to be very wise and knowledgeable. One day someone met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Hold on a minute", Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter test."

"Triple Filter?"

"That's right" Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No", the man said,"Actually I just heard about it and ..."

"All right", Socrates said,"So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of goodness. Is what you are going to tell me about my friend, something good?"

"No, on the contrary.."

"So", Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something bad about him, but you are not certain that it is true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful for me?"

"No, not really ..."

"Well, concluded Socrates,"if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The checklist that we want is hidden in the above story, let us subject each post to this three point checklist:

☑ Do we know if it is true or is it just a hearsay?
☑ Does it say something good about someone?
☑ Is it useful?

And then as Socrates said, if it is neither true, nor good, nor even useful, why would you want to inflict it on your friends? Just ignore it and move on.

Troubles are Stepping Stones

Here is an inspiring story I came across long time back:

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw.
With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing! He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.

Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

A great Presnt you can give yourself

What is the best gift you can give yourself that will last a lifetime? A great Present.

I am a fan of Dr. Spencer Johnson since I read his legendry books, Who Moved My Cheese and One Minute Manager long back. He is a great author who can express deep insights with simple, easy-to-read stories. Recently I found another of his books, The Present at Chennai Airport. This is an intereting story of a young boy who makes himself more successful and happier once he gifts himself The Present, i.e. learns to make the most of his present moments. Here are some pearls of wisdom from the book. This book is a MUST read for everyone.

• We all know that living in present can make us happier and more successful, and as child, we know how to do it, but we simply forget it when we grow up.
• Even in the most difficult situation, when we focus on what is right in the present moment, it makes us happier today, and it gives us the needed energy and confidence to deal with what is wrong.
• You can not change the past, but you can learn from it. When the same situation arises, you can act differently, and become happier, more effective, and successful today.
• No one can predict or control the future. However, the more clearly you imagine what you want to see happen, plan for it, and do something today to make it happen, the less anxious you are in the Present, and the more is known to you about your Future.

Years ago, Dale Carnegie also advocated living in day-tight compartments, as a way of spending maximum time and energy on your present moments.

Why do we need to read books?

We have to read so many books against our wishes in school days that many of us develop a dislike for books. No doubt we see this dislike coming out in comments such as the following:

• Do not be a bookworm
• This is just bookish knowledge
• Oh c'mon, let's be practical

This reveals a common belief that the books do not teach us anything of practical value, which is not true. Let me illustrate this with the following scenario:

Imagine you are in a new, unknown city, and your goal is to learn about it. You explore the city by going around, seeing places, and asking people for directions. You keep notes of what you discover, and use them when you have to go to that place again. Gradually, you start building your knowledge base about the city. Following this process, you get fully familiar with the city in a few years, and by this time, you realize that your notes about the city have grown into a really useful source of reference information. Now, imagine if you had a map and guide of the city available to you from the day one, would it not be a much faster exercise for you? Would you choose to refer to a map or go around the city on your own the hard way?

Our life is a much bigger area to explore than a city. For hundred of years, many wise people have spent their lifetime discovering truths through hard experience, and they have made this wisdom available to us through books. Why do we insist on ignoring this vast source of knowledge that can guide us like a map, and re-invent the wheel by learning everything from our own experience? Mankind has been able to make rapid progress only by each generation building over the knowledge of the previous generations. Without this continuous learning, we would not be in the Information Age today, but in Stone Age.

Okay, it is not always easy to extract meaningful knowledge of practical value from every book that we read. The most challenging part is that we get a feeling of boredom and sleepiness coming over us as we read a couple of chapters, and it is hard to maintain interest . Here is a simple RAR formula that I have found useful to get the most out of the book I read:

• READ - Read the book to get some new, interesting information
• APPLY - Use this information in real-life situaltions. See how you can apply it for your benefit.
• READ - Go back and read the same part again in the light of your experience. You will find a whole new meaning in the same words now.

What is Important in your life?

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life.

The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children ! - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you
will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

सोच के हाथों में भाग्य की डोर

The article below says that we can control our destiny by our thoughts. In summary, if we want to change our fortune, we must work on our thinking because:

• Our thoughts control our words
• Our words decide our deeds
• Over time, our actions are formed into habits
• Sum total of our habits makes our character
• And finally, it is our character that determines our destiny

---

अक्सर लोग कहते हैं कि हम अमीर बनना चाहते हैं, पर सचाई यह है कि कोई भी अमीर बनना नहीं चाहता। अगर हम अपनी मानसिकता में अमीर नहीं बनते, तो बाहर से अमीर नहीं बन सकते। बाहर से अमीर बनने के लिए सबसे पहले मानसिक स्तर पर अमीर बनना होगा।

वेदांत का नियम है, जैसा सोचते हैं, वैसा बनते हैं। यदि हम मन से यह सोच लेते हैं कि हम गरीब हैं, बेकार हैं, कुछ नहीं कर सकते तो हम सदा गरीब और बेकार ही बने रहेंगे। यदि सोचते हैं कि हम अमृत पुत्र हैं, उस परमसत्ता की संतान हैं तो फिर हम दर-दर की ठोकरें क्यों खाएंगे?

इसे एक उदाहरण से समझिए। हम अपने बच्चे के ऑफिस में उसको बिना बताए जाते हैं और वह अपने बॉस के सामने छुट्टी अथवा प्रमोशन के लिए गिड़गिड़ा रहा है, तो देखकर हमें कैसा लगेगा? बहुत बुरा। इसी तरह, हम उस परमपिता की संतान है; पर स्वयं को दीन-हीन बनाया हुआ है, तो परमात्मा को कैसा लगेगा?

संतान अपने माता-पिता के अनुरूप ही होती है। यदि पिता 'गुप्ता' है तो उसकी संतान भी 'गुप्ता' ही कहलाएगी। हम प्रभु की संतान हैं तो हम क्या हुए? प्रभु पूर्ण हैं तो प्रभु का अंश भी पूर्ण ही होगा। तो हम अपने आप को बेचारा, लाचार, दास क्यों समझें?

यदि हम कुछ प्राप्त करना चाहते हैं तो सबसे पहले मानसिक स्तर पर हमें यह निश्चय करना चाहिए कि हां, मैं यह प्राप्त कर सकता हूं। पहले मन में सकारात्मक विचार का आना जरूरी है, क्योंकि विचार से ही इच्छा का सृजन होता है और इच्छा ही कार्यरूप में परिणत होती है।

यदि दिमाग में पहले ही नकारात्मक विचार आ गया कि नहीं हो पाएगा तो वह नहीं होगा। मान लीजिए, लकड़ी का एक फट्टा जमीन पर रखा जाए, उस फट्टे पर चलने के लिए कहा जाए, तो सब लोग आसानी से चल पाएंगे। उतना ही चौड़ा फट्टा दो बड़ी इमारतों के ऊपर रखा जाए और उस पर चलने के लिए कहा जाए तो क्या होगा?

एक बार मन में आ गया कि हम इस पर नहीं चल पाएंगे, नीचे गिर जाएंगे, तो फिर फट्टे पर नहीं ही चल पाएंगे।
हमें आध्यात्मिक अथवा भौतिक स्तर पर कुछ भी प्राप्त करना है तो सर्वप्रथम दिमाग में विचार डालने की जरूरत है। इसके बदले यदि सोचें कि हम तो बीमार हैं, हमारे कंधों में, घुटनों में, पीठ में -सारे शरीर में दर्द रहता है, तो फिर बीमार ही रहेंगे। वास्तविकता यह है कि शरीर विचार नहीं बनाते, अपितु विचारों से शरीर बनता है। यदि कोई व्यक्ति वैचारिक स्तर पर राजसिक है, बहुत ऊर्जावान है तो शारीरिक स्तर पर भी वह स्फूतिर्वान रहेगा, आलसी नहीं।

आजकल बाजार में अंग्रेजी की एक पुस्तक बहुत प्रसिद्ध हो रही है जिसका नाम है -द सीक्रेट। इसमें यही बताने की कोशिश की गई है कि आपके विचार ही आपके भविष्य का आधार हैं। यही बात गीता के 7 वें अध्याय के 21वें श्लोक में कही गई है। कृष्ण कहते हैं, जो जो भक्त जिस विचार को श्रद्धा से प्राप्त करना चाहता है, उस उस श्रद्धा वाले व्यक्ति के विचारों को मैं पूर्ण करता हूँ।

इसलिए भाग्य को बदलने के लिए अपने विचारों को सुधारना होगा, क्योंकि-
हमारे विचार ही शब्दों में परिवर्तित होते हैं।
हमारे शब्द ही कर्मों में परिणत होते हैं।
हमारे कर्म ही हमारी आदत बनते हैं।
हमारी आदतों से ही हमारा चरित्र बनता है।
हमारा चरित्र ही हमारा भाग्य निर्माता है।

The Best Way to Win an Argument

There are times when we have difference of opinion with our friends and family members, and we get into an argument. We really feel bad when we lose such an argument. How can we master the art of articulating our point in a way so that we end up winning the argument? My experience is that it is best to avoid such arguments.

According to Dale Carnegie, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” When we get two egos wrapped up in an argument, both sides defend their positions desperately, and it does not improve relationships. You are more likely to feel negative feelings towards each other long after the argument is over, no matter whether you win it or not. And so you both wallow in negativity and you both lose. When possible, just avoiding unnecessary arguments is a win-win solution.

But you may say, "how can I give in when I know that I am right and the other person is wrong? He is just not able to see the fact clearly, and that's what the argument is about".

Stephen Covey talks about our paradigm, our way of looking at things. Each of us look at the world through our own glasses, and perceive the reality differently from others. So, it is quite natural that two people may differ about their view of the same thing. None of them is right or wrong, it is just a difference of paradigm. The following classic story illustrates this point very well:

When six blind men are asked what an elephant looks like, they come up with different views by feeling different parts of the elephant's body.

1. One blind man feels a leg and says that the elephant is like a pillar
2. One man feels the tail and says that the elephant is like a rope
3. One feels the trunk and says that the elephant is like a tree branch
4. One feels the ear and says the elephant is like a hand fan
5. One feels the belly and says the elephant is like a wall
6. One feels the tusk and says the elephant is like a solid pipe

A wise man explains to them, "All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently is because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all the features you mentioned."
What is the point of having an argument when I know that my knowledge about the truth is just partial?

Principle of Anekant in Jainism also talks about this fact that the truth can be stated in different ways, and teaches us the way of living in harmony with people who have different belief systems.

In a bitter argument, the wiser person is usually wrong, as he did not utilize his wisdom to avoid the argument.

Power of Relaxation - Put the glass down

A lecturer was giving a lecture to his students on stress management. He raised a glass of water and asked the audience, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?"

The students' answers ranged from 20g to 500gm.

"It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it is Ok.

If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

"If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on, the burden becoming increasingly heavier."

"What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before holding it up again." We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.

So, before you return home from work tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it back home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you are having now on your shoulders, let it down for a moment if you can.

Pick it up again later when you have rested....

You will amazed to see the tremendous power unleashed within you when you practice relaxation in this manner.

5 Habits that make me ineffective

Why is it that at times in spite of working very hard, we do not come across effective in our job or personal life?
I read an interesting article by Sanjeev Sinha in Economic Times that listed 10 bad Habits that could cause this situation.
I picked up top 5 bad habits from the article that I have experienced myself. My experience has been that just being aware of the habit itself gives you a great advantage, and even a small step taken towards correcting any of these habits gives us rich dividends on the job and in our life.

Lack of Planning
All of us are aware of the benefits of working with a plan, still most of us don’t have our agenda in place for the day, week or month. There are no set goals on what we want to achieve. Very often, we simply reach our workplace and then decide on the work to be executed. If you feel this habit is affecting your productivity, you can correct it quite easily. Just start to spend a few minutes every morning thinking about what to do today.

Improper Time Management
We have often seen people around us who are always complaining of too much load on them, as well as people who seem to be doing their work well and have time at hand to take up more. The main difference is that these people manage their time exceptionally well. If you find yourself running out of time very often, you should look at improving your time management skills. A good book to read on the subject is "Eat That Frog" by Brian Tracy.

Not Being a Team Player
I have learned from my own experience that being bright and sharp at work is not enough to grow in an organization beyond a point. If I cannot work well in a team, and do not adjust with fellow employees, I will find it harder to grow on the job.

email Addiction
Internet and email has revolutionized the way we communicate and the ease of communication has increased productivity, but a new habit of depending on the emails is hampering the efficiency. There are times, when I get so much dependent on emails that I start using it to determine the work I need to do. Hence if the inbox is empty, I assume that the work is done. This certainly needs to be corrected since very often, the highest priority work is not covered by emails, that are primarily focused on the urgent stuff.

Lack of Punctuality
In a professional work environment, reaching late to office and even in interdepartmental meetings can cause enough damage to one’s career. A big irritant to many, this also impacts productivity.

How to be happy when you want to?

Is there a way by which we can choose to be happy when we want ?

I recently came across an interesting article by Sitaram Gupta that brings out clearly that we can indeed control our happiness, since happiness is a reaction to our condition, not the condition itself. Here are some excerpts from the great article:

एक ही समय विशेष में किसी देश अथवा स्थान विशेष की स्थिति कुछ लोगों के लिए अच्छी होती है और कुछ लोगों के लिए बुरी। प्रत्येक व्यक्ति के मन में उस स्थिति विशेष की प्रतिक्रिया अलग-अलग प्रकार से होती है। एक ही घटना किसी को सुखद प्रतीत होती है तो किसी को दुखद।

सुख या दुख न तो भौतिक शरीर की अवस्था है, न लाभ-हानि की। न दुर्घटना से इसका संबंध है और न संबंधों की स्थिति से। सुख या दुख तो इन घटनाओं पर मन की प्रतिक्रिया है। मन गलती से भी अच्छा मान बैठे तो सुख, अन्यथा दुख। शरीर में चोट लग जाए तो पीड़ा होती है, दुख नहीं। आपको कोई रोग है। ऑपरेशन करना पड़ा तो पीड़ा भी हुई, लेकिन दुख नहीं, अपितु सुख ही हुआ कि चलो रोग से मुक्ति मिली।

ये भी जरूरी नहीं कि सुख-दुख किसी घटना पर ही आधारित हो। यदि सुख-दुख किसी घटना पर आधारित होता तो उस घटना के घटित होते ही फौरन सुख या दुख भी घटित हो जाता। वास्तव में सुख-दुख तब होता है, जब घटना का पता चलता है। कई बार किसी घटना के घटित होने पर इतनी देर बाद सूचना मिलती है कि सुखी या दुखी होने का कारण ही समाप्त हो चुका होता है। या किसी की मृत्यु या दुर्घटना की गलत सूचना पाकर भी हमारा मन दुखी होता है। घटना तो घटी नहीं, पर हम दुखी हो गए।

स्वामी चिन्मयानंद कहते हैं कि दुख एक मन:स्थिति है जो कि किसी व्यक्ति की पसंद की वस्तु के अभाव में उत्पन्न होती है। हम सुखी या दुखी होते हैं, क्योंकि हम हमेशा एक विशिष्ट अपेक्षित परिणाम ही चाहते हैं। जब अपेक्षित परिणाम मिलता है तो हम सुख का अनुभव करते हैं, अन्यथा दुख का। माइंडफुल मेडिटेशन के प्रवर्तक तिक न्यात हान्ह का कहना है कि हमारा मन एक हजारों चैनल वाले टीवी सेट के समान है और हम जिस चैनल को चालू करते हैं, उसी क्षण हम वही चैनल हो जाते हैं। क्रोध के चैनल का चुनाव करने पर हम क्रोधित तथा शांति और प्रसन्नता के चैनल का चुनाव करने पर हम शांत और प्रसन्नचित्त हो जाते हैं।

हम मन के किसी भी चैनल का चुनाव कर सकते हैं। स्मृति एक चैनल है, तो विस्मृति भी एक चैनल है। शांति एक चैनल है, तो अशांति भी एक चैनल है। करुणा अथवा मैत्री एक चैनल है तो राग अथवा द्वेष भी एक चैनल है। मन की किसी भी एक स्थिति से दूसरी स्थिति में परिवर्तन उतना ही सरल है जितना एक चैनल से दूसरे चैनल में परिवर्तन। रिमोट का बटन दबाइए और दुख के चैनल को बंद करके सुख के चैनल को चालू कर दीजिए। यह उतना ही सरल है जितना एक फिल्म के चैनल से खेल के चैनल में परिवर्तन। लेकिन आप की उँगलियाँ चंचल हैं। बार-बार दुख के चैनल का बटन दब जाता है। हम चाहें तो दुख के चैनल को हमेशा के लिए लॉक कर सकते हैं। जरूरत है तो थोड़े अभ्यास की। मन पर नियंत्रण की। सही बटन न दबा पाने के कारण ही हम उम्र भर वो चैनल देखते रहने को विवश हैं। मन की गलत कंडीशनिंग या नकारात्मक दृष्टिकोण के कारण ही हम आजीवन दुखी बने रहते हैं। जबकि इसके विपरीत कुछ लोग सदैव सुखी रहते हैं। यथार्थ में ज्यादातर दुख मनगढ़ंत और काल्पनिक होते हैं।
- With thanks from Sitaram Gupta

Inspiration with entertainment

I enjoy watching movies, mostly due to their entertainment value, but occasionally there are good movies like Chak De India, Lagaan, Munna Bhai MBBS, 3 Idiots, Koshish, Gandhi, Iqbal etc that are a source of inspiration as well. At times, such movies fare much better in getting the message across than serious books since heavy dosage of serious stuff is more easily palatable when served garnished with light entertainment.

Here is a compilation of Hindi movie songs that have inspirational thoughts. Help me grow this list by sending me your favorite songs that inspire.

रात जितनी भी संगीन होगी, सुबह उतनी ही रंगीन होगी
रात भर का है मेहमान अँधेरा, किसके रोके रुका है सवेरा

हो कितनी भी लम्बी रात दिया बन जलते जाना रे
जो राह चुनी तूने उसी राह पे राही चलते जाना रे

न मुह छुपा के जियो, और न सर झुका के जियो
गमो का दौर भी आये तो मुस्कुरा के जियो

ज़िन्दगी की यही रीत है, हार के बाद ही जीत है

सूरज न बन पाए तो, बनके दीपक जलता चल
फूल मिले या अंगारे, सच की राह पे चलता चल

आदमी चाहे तो तकदीर बदल सकता है, सारी दुनिया कि वो तस्वीर बदल सकता है
आदमी सोच तो ले उसका इरादा क्या है

हम मेहनत वालो ने जब भी मिलकर कदम बढाया
सागर ने रास्ता छोड़ा पर्वत ने शीश झुकाया

माना तूफ़ान के आगे, नहीं चलता जोर किसी का
मौजो का दोष नहीं है ये दोष है और किसी का

रूक जाना नहीं तू कहीं हार के, काटों से चलके मिलेंगे साये बहार के
ओ राही ओ राही

यह न समझो इसमें अपनी हार है के जीत है
उसे अपना लो जो भी जीवन की रीत है

तेरे गिरने में भी तेरी हार नहीं, के तू आदमी है अवतार नहीं

अल्लाह के बन्दे हंस दे जो भी हो फिर कल आएगा

क्यूँ हम बहारो से खुशियाँ उधार ले
क्यूँ न मिल के खुद ही हम अपना जीवन सवार लेँ

चक दे चक दे चक दे, चक दे सारे गम
चक दे चक दे चक दे, तेरे संग हैं हम

हे अदिति माना कभी कभी सारे जहाँ में अँधेरा होता है
लेकिन रात के बाद ही तो सवेरा होता है
ये मत सोच कि जिंदगी में कितने पल है
ये देख कि हर पल में कितनी जिंदगी है (मुन्ना भाई)

Stepping out of your "home"

I read the following poem by Ayodhya Singh Upadhyaya in school and was very much inspired by it. It paints a beautiful picture of the fears and worries one goes through while taking the first step out of one's "home". It ends on a note that stepping out is a must for achieving anything. You can see an English translation of the poem here - http://bbepositive.blogspot.com/2011/11/story-of-dew-drop.html

ज्यों निकल कर बादलों की गोद से
थी अभी एक बूँद कुछ आगे बढ़ी।
सोचने फिर-फिर यही जी में लगी,
आह ! क्यों घर छोड़कर मैं यों कढ़ी ?

देव मेरे भाग्य में क्या है बदा,
मैं बचूँगी या मिलूँगी धूल में ?
या जलूँगी फिर अंगारे पर किसी,
चू पडूँगी या कमल के फूल में ?

बह गयी उस काल एक ऐसी हवा
वह समुन्दर ओर आई अनमनी।
एक सुन्दर सीप का मुँह था खुला
वह उसी में जा पड़ी मोती बनी ।

लोग यों ही हैं झिझकते, सोचते
जबकि उनको छोड़ना पड़ता है घर
किन्तु घर का छोड़ना अक्सर उन्हें
बूँद लौं कुछ और ही देता है कर ।

Most of us can relate to the anxieties painted in the poem very well. I myself can distinctly remember facing similar anxiety while leaving home to go to IIT Roorkee, or going to Bombay for my first job, or going abroad for the first time, or relocating back to Delhi after a prolonged stay in Bombay. Looking back, it is clear now that each of these steps have helped me move forward in life.

Hence, this poem is a constant reminder to me now, that I should remember the example of ek boond whenever I tend to resist a change that challenges me to come out of my comfort zone. (i.e. "home").

Listen to me singing this poem in the Youtube video below:

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Related Post
Story of a dew drop

A lesson from my daughter

What can we learn from our kids? - a lot, particularly if we take a look at the world with their eyes and stop imposing our ideas on them all the time.

My daughter has taught me a very important lesson, that the right time to be happy is.. Now

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we have a baby, then another.
Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and We convince ourselves that life will be better when they are.
After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We convince ourselves that life will be better when they are out of that stage.
We convince ourselves that life will be better when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire.
The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with ...
and remember that time waits for no one.

The 90/10 Principle

Do you believe life happens to us or we make it happen? Do we have any control what-so-ever on our circumstances? I know this can trigger interesting debate with strong opinions on both sides. I am sure you can come up with real life examples to support both sides of argument, such as the following:

• Someone cuts me off in traffic, what can I do?
• I am told one day that I lost my job, I have no control on it.
• My car broke down on the way to office, is it my fault?
• My flight arrived late and it spoiled my whole day, tough luck.

According to Stephen Covey, the famous author of the book "The 7 Habits of highly effective people", 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. He calls this 90/10 principle. We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light., but you can control your reaction.

Here is an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. Consider the two possible scenarios:

Scenario A:
You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is " D". You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Let us rewind and replay another scenario showing what could have and should have happened.

Scenario B:
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

• If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
• How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? Who cares if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
• You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
• The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

I know from my own experience that the 90-10 principle is incredibly simple to use and effective.

You are Very Special

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a brand new Rupee 500 note. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?".

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this.".

He proceeded to crumple the note up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?".

Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?".

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

You are special, don't ever forget it! Why let today's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams?

Turn Your Weakness to Strength

A 10-year-old boy who had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident, decided to study judo despite the disability.

The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training, the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"

"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the
sensei replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.

Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches.

The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match.

Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals. This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.

"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"

"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of Judo; And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grip your left arm!!!

You can change your weakness into your biggest strength!

When the Things go Haywire

Most of us do not like to have the negative emotions like anger, worry, fear, resentment, and hatred; still we find it hard to keep our cool when things go haywire around us. How can we handle such situations better? Many years ago, I got the answer to this question from the well known author Dale Carnegie through his great book, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". He uses the generic term "worry" for a wide range of undesirable emotions and provides excellent advice on how to deal with them. The top three suggestions from this book that I liked the most are following:

• Live in present. The load of tomorrow, added to that of yesterday, carried today, makes the strongest falter. Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.
• Accept the worst. Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can't solve my problem?" and prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst, if necessary. Then calmly try to improve upon it. Co-operate with the inevitable.
• The Golden Rule For Conquering Worry: Have faith and pray. Always have the thought that you are not alone. Share your burden with God.

फानूस बनके जिसकी हिफाजत हवा करे
वो शमा क्या बुझे जिसे रोशन खुदा करे

Cracked Pots

We all know the importance of cultivating a positive thinking, and have experienced the great results we can produce with it; However, when we are faced with our flaws and failures, our positive mindset is put to a stress test. How do we stay positive in such situations? I read a beautiful story long back that has a simple answer to this. It also teaches you a powerful lesson about working with others.

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said. The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there.