Do yourself a favor - Forgive and Forget

This is the holy month when we Jains observe Paryushan Parv, a period of fasting and spiritual renewal. This festival begins today with the first virtue - Uttam Kshama / Supreme Forgiveness. This is a day to purify our soul by asking for forgiveness and forgiving others. One can immediately see the usefulness of this practice. As far as interpersonal relationships are concerned, such an exercise acts as a big deposit into the Emotional Bank Account, that can help even strained relationships to come back on track.

We all know the wisdom of forgiving, still there are times when we continue to have strained relationships with our loved ones as we find it hard to apologize or we can not drop the grudge against them for causing a deep hurt. Very often, both the persons are keen to make a new start, but still live with the status quo, waiting for the other to make the first move.

उन्हें ये जिद थी कि हम बुलाते
हमें ये उम्मीद वो पुकारे

Here is a beautiful short story that I came across recently that illustrates the futility of holding a grudge for too long unnecessarily:

One of my teachers asked each one of us to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes. For every person we would refuse to forgive in our life, he asked us to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. For most of us, as you can imagine, the bag filled up fast and got quite heavy. We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat while driving, next to our desk at work. 

The hassle of taking it around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it it in embarrassing places. Naturally, the condition of potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime, making it even more difficult to keep it with us. 

Suddenly, this was an eye opener for us. It was a great metaphor for the price we pay for nurturing our pain and negativity. Very often, we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that's true, we also do a big favor to ourselves when we forgive. 

So, next time you feel you can not forgive someone, ask yourself, "Why do I want to carry this heavy bag with me?" Use this day to take positive initiative to mend your strained relationships now. Break the "pahale aap" deadlock before the time runs out:

हमसे आया न गया..  उनसे बुलाया न गया.. 

Enjoy that Commute

Do you have to spend long hours everyday commuting to work? Do you feel bad about this precious time that you spend everyday going to office and coming back? Does this leave you with no spare time to pursue your other interests such as reading, music, or a hobby? Do you get a feeling that you are always in a rush and have no time left for yourself?

If the answer is yes, then you are not alone. It is a common situation most of us face. I myself have had at least 45 minutes commute time throughout my work career. I worked very hard on trying to find a way to reduce the boredom associated with my daily struggle with traffic jams. I also wanted more time for myself to pursue my interests.

One obvious solution was to move closer to my office to reduce the commute time. This would make it less boring and also will free up time for other activities. However, it was not always possible to do it. I had to decide to live at a long distance from office due to a number of compelling reasons like child's school, my own house, etc. So, I had to look for other solutions.

I found that the solution was implicit in the problem, only if I could use the commute time for the activities for which I had no time, it will resolve both the issues. Here is the system that I evolved over time to make my commute time not only less boring, but an enjoyable experience. Now I no longer dread the commute time, but look forward to it. I hope you will find some of these practices useful.

A. I found the following  interesting activities to keep myself engaged while traveling in a public transport:

• I learned to catch some sleep while traveling. This helped me utilize the commute time so that I was fresh on arrival. This involved developing a skill to sleep in sitting position, which may be difficult at first, I got the hang of it with some practice. The secret is to close your eyes and roll up your eyeballs to "look" upwards. This can put you to sleep within minutes.
• I took a book, magazine or newspaper along and used the commute time for reading. This gives me time to catch up on my reading. 
• I enjoy solving puzzles such as Crossword, Codeword or Sudoku, so I used use my travel time to solve a puzzle. It kept me engrossed and exercised my mind.
• I learned to practice meditation and relaxation while traveling. It also helped reduce the physical and mental stress.
• Even when I had nothing else to do, I used it as an opportunity to be all by myself. I used this time for connecting to my inner self, thinking about and clarifying my mission, goals, and values.

B. I tried out the following activities to keep myself engaged while driving alone to work:

• Like everyone else I listened to music on radio and CD for keeping myself entertained and relaxed.
• I used the time for learning, by taking my iPod along and listen to audio books, and podcasts. I had audio CD from several training programs that I was keen to go through, but had no time for it. The driving time was perfect for this.
• As a singer, I need to spend time regularly listening and singing songs, to learn a song, or to practice singing along, or to review my recorded performances to find areas of improvements. This could be easily done while driving. 
• Occasionally, I use this time for phone calls as well.
• I use the commute time for prayer. I find it more comfortable to do it without any feeling of hurry or time pressure.