How To Control Your Anger in an Argument

We know that anger is not good for us. It causes an irreversible damage to our relationships. We try our best to manage our anger on a day-to-day basis. Despite our best efforts, there are times when it gets out of our control and we get angry. If this happens during a discussion, it changes our tone, makes us louder, harsher, which ends up killing the dialog. While knowing that it is not heading in the right direction, we still go through the motion, often ending up in a heated arguments or angry exchange. Later on we may regret it, but during the exchange it is really difficult to control or reduce the angry reaction. I get into such situations every once in a while. Has this happened to you as well?

What can we do in such a situation to minimize the damage caused by our anger? Can we somehow bring back the derailed dialog back on the track? Ironically, the two go hand-in-hand. If you successfully manage to keep the dialog alive, it gradually helps dissipate the anger on both sides and as the emotion of anger gets under control, dialog flows more smoothly. But how do we start this process?

Very often, in such situation, I am aware that the angry reaction is not going to be helpful. One idea that I have found very helpful is not to try and reduce my feeling of anger.. I let myself express the angry reaction unmodified.. but I deliberately lower my volume, talk softly, with ample respect in my voice. It helps in two ways.. first it reduces my anger gradually as it is difficult to talk soft and be angry at the same time. So, I am controlling my emotion indirectly by controlling my behavior. Secondly, when I talk softly, even when I am saying angry words, it is less likely to make the other person angry, hence the destructive spiral is broken, and the dialog goes on undisturbed.

So, next time you find yourself getting angry during an argument, give this idea a try. Lower your volume and talk softly. See if it helps you pull out of the situation with little damage. You can try it at home, at work, or in any other situation where anger is a problem for you.